Mixed motives - WWJD?
Submitted by Forgiven on November 19 2000 11:54:11
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It is clear from the comments of the disciples about 'Who is the greatest' that their motivations for being mixed up with Jesus were not 100% pure - they were aware that they were in line to get something out of it. They were wrong, in one sense - they didn't get to be ministers in Jesus's cabinet to rule the liberated ex-Roman province of Judea... But Jesus worked with those mixed motivations to achieve his will and shape the discpiple to be the apostles who bought the word to the Roman world In the case of us boylovers there is often a similarly mixed motivation in how we relate to boys - for our enjoyment as well as the good we can do them. But as long as we do not cross the line in our behaviour to sexualise the relationship, I believe that those mixed motivations can be taken by God and used to provide a good thing in the lives of the boys. I have no doubt that the relationship I've had with a guy who is now 30 whom I've known for 14 years, and another who is now 19 who's been in my life for 5 have been very positive for them, as well as enjoyable for me in a non-sexual way. It was a risk - but it is one that worked out well for all involved..... But such relationships, however positive in our perspective, raises hard questions for those who have pastoral care of us when we are 'out' as BLs for whatever reason; if you are not 'out' to anyone similar issues should equally apply to your own thinking about your friendships with boys. Our understanding is that we have a gift that allows us to boys in a way that allows us to reach them for God more effectively than a lot of other adults. Yet those who know of our propensity will tend to be more worried about how the world - and especially the media - would react to the revelation that they knowingly allowed us to spend time with boys. I think therefore that we need to be absolutely honest with ourselves about what our motivations with them are. In my life at the moment there are 2 particularly significant boys. One - to whom I am the closest - has never been sexually attractive at all, but in the other there is at present a significant element of that in my relationship. As both are 19 this reality is less important than if they were 5 or 10 years younger, but I know the difference and I would encourage others to examine their own responses. For those of you who are not out to anyone, establishing contact via this board with someone who has permission to ask that sort of question of you may be useful way forward. Does that make sense to anyone else? |
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