Nick
Submitted by once a boy on November 26 2000 13:59:37
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Well gang. I'm back from my visit. Recall: I've know Nick since he was 3...he's now 12. Nick and I saw each other on Tuesday, and seemed happy til I talked to his dad on the phone. Nick was so angry that I talked to him; he wouldn't meet with me for our usual fun times and talks. I got home, and while turning on my computer, Nick was there and we talked (instant message). I wrote that I have known all these years how his dad has hurt him and that I know why he pulled away. I also explained that my talking to his dad took nothing away from him. That saying something like "Your a jerk for hurting Nick so much!" wasn't going to improve things. I continued that my loyality was with Nick. Nick had asked me to go visit him and yet jealousy and anger poisoned the possibility of another God blessed time together. I told him how crappy I felt that he didn't want to get together. He broke down and said, "I am so sorry." To be honest, during the time of not seeing Nick, my mind was being clouded. I saw Nick as a possibility for a hug or even the possibilty of sex...along with fun and close times. Of course, as I said before I left, I did not want sex, but finally just said I was leaving it in God's hand. God answered pretty clearly, "NO!" Although I enjoyed my times with other loved ones, I tried reaching out to Nick, hoping he would want to get together. Satan has been twisting my mind these past few years reminding me of how I could have had sex with many boys. The opportunities definitely exsisted! I began thinking, "Why not?" Yet, this week was definitely an awaking, and although Nick is the most beautiful of the thousands of boys I have seen, I believe I saw the gold of his heart today! I forgave him for his "anger towards me" for talking to his dad and for not trusting my loyality towards him. I have no longer the desire for sex but a deep, caring and compassionate need to move this friendship forward onto a spritual realm, to connect us in the way that I have been connected with others, in particular Joe, an 11 year old boy who came to love me and I him (is now 22). I think Nick saw my love today in a new way, a "holy way." Love has been there over the years, but at times this summer, Satan was giving me countless opportunities to do sexual things with Nick. Satan was getting into my jeans, into my mind. I ask for your prayers that Nick reads and gains insights into my recent message about my relationship with my dad and how God had healed that relatioship along with so many other things in my life. Nick also, needs to know that a prayer, a cry from the heart, is indeed heard by God. Please pray for me to have hope as I continue this relationship with Nick. Finally, pray that Nick and I will move us forward into this next phase of our relatioship, one that I believe will be very pleasing to God. Thanks, Once a Boy |
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