Now you made me think again!
Submitted by Once a Boy on December 08 2000 19:18:55
In reply to wow... good insight submitted by Splash! on December 07 2000 22:31:23
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I suppose all of us come to the conclusion that lonliness occurs after the love is lost, a love which must eventually be lost. We must let the boy go free and become the "good" man we always saw in his heart. This letting go produces a loss, yet what can we do? The melding of two spirits into one is impossible, and yet in recent months, I think that has been a part of my problem...I have found an impossible need to become a boy again! Joe, the boy who changed my life, once looked at me and said, "It's my life." Instead of having our spirits unite together in a Godly way, in that instant, I was indeed "squooshing my spirit" into his, trying to meld two into one, which is imposssible! After Joseph said this, I easily backed off on whatever the issue was, for my spirit understood and was secure. It was not in need to be melded with Joe's soul. Instead, I was content in our souls being bonded in such a way that is pleasing to God. We are bonded as two spirits, not melded together into one spirit. In recent months, with my friendship with Dennis and Nick, I have been finding a battle going on inside in which I want more! I want to meld! I am thankful that I don't live near Nick and I don't see Dennis as much as I used to. Instead, I have had these months to consider this "need." Intellectually, it is unrealistic! Actually, it only creates a longing and lonliness. Yet, I am not sure why this need had become so strong. Before, I was content and excited to be around boys because they lit up and I lit up and we shined and our spirits touched and bonded in a deep way, but never had I wanted to escape adulthood and just become a boy a again. Indeed, with this longing, I can only conclude that God is pointing me back to Him. Until recently, I did not feel this "obsession," and indeed, I want to get back to a place where I don't want to be melded with a boy. This "obsession" that you spoke about is indeed the very thing that frightens me. In the past, my wisdom of life's experience has helped many boys understand the reaason for NOT taking a particular path. However, as Joe said many years ago, "It is my life." Indeed, it is the boy's life to make poor decisions sometimes, and perhaps a poor decision, in my eyes, might actually be a right decision for the boy. I am hoping I can become more like you and again seperate myself like you describe. ..where I can be the man God wants me to be. This ability to seperate myself has occured when I have felt happy with other aspects of my life and truly content in my relationship with God. Perhaps in some ways my life has been a struggle these past several months. Thanks for listening and reminding me to get on with the adult things that bring me pleasure and to read the book, pray, and gain insights into the man God wants me to be. I should never forget that inside me the boy of my childhood and youth is forvever alive! Melding need not take place. ~Once a Boy |
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