Re: More light on the subject
Submitted by Mark on December 28 2000 21:08:10
In reply to More light on the subject submitted by Heather on December 28 2000 12:42:32
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It may be that we are prewired to love; I doubt very much (given the historical evidence) that we are prewired to engage in romantic love. That seems to be an optional part of the human makeup, turning up more often in some cultures than in others. Perhaps some people are more prewired than others for romantic love. I would argue that it is in fact a morally neutral feeling, akin to sexual desire. It can lead to good, or – without in any way changing its nature of tenderness and generosity – it can lead to horrible results for one or more partner....I think that the example of adultery shows that romantic love is not an inherently uplifting emotion; if pursued under the wrong circumstances, it can lead to just as much trauma – if not more – as so-called degrading emotions. I agree completely. In both cases, the lover is romantically attracted to a person with whom it would be wicked for him to have sex. I'm not convinced it would be wicked for a man and a boy to have sex under certain circumstances. I don't see any indication that you're making an attempt to read the stories of the boys who didn't have positive man-boy sex experiences Even though it's from Savin-Williams, the following may be helpful, regarding first gay sex. The reasons he gives for negative reactions in general (whether "age discrepant" or not) were "fear of getting caught, of getting AIDS, of the possible meaning of the sex act. Other youths felt guilty or ashamed, believing that they should not be having gay sex because it was forbidden by their religion, parents, or morality. Others wanted the first sexual expeience to be something 'special,' and the seedy, anonymous circumstances of the setting of the person negated this idealized dream." Savin-Williams says seedy, anonymous sex tended to occur more often the older the other partner was. "When a youth was considerably younger than his partner negative personal reactions to first sex with a male were most likely to ensue. Also in this situation, youths were more frequently fearful of the consequences or meaning of their behavior...the ratio of positive to negative experience dropped to 50/50 when the partner was more than five years older than the youth." [Italics are the authors'.] (pp. 69-70) I clicked on your link and got a huge list of links. (Ironically at the top are changing ads for porn sites!) What I'm especially interested in are stories of gay boys who wanted a romantic and/or sexual relationship but then felt abused by it. Are they mixed in with the stories of boys who were unwillingly coerced or pressured into it? It's hard for me to stomach reading the latter. Mark |
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