Re: similar thoughts
Submitted by Splash! on August 18 2001 13:10:50
In reply to similar thoughts submitted by Nate on August 18 2001 01:20:11
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You brought up some good points that made me think, and I just have to add this: Growing up as a Christian I was told (or perceived I was told) that "sex is bad!" "Don't have sex!" Even in health class -- "Don't have sex or you might get a disease (and might die)" or "Don't have sex or you'll get a girl pregnant (and what will you do with the baby?)" Even in grade school or around my neighborhood, when I had girl friends, I was teased about it. So I started to move away from interest in girls at the same time my friends were just beginning to get interested in girls. So maybe all this fear and confusion messed with my mind and sexuality. I remember feeling very sexual at an early age, but when I was "told" I should stay away from girls and hang out with the guys, that may have confused my sexuality and for whom I was supposed to express my sexual feelings. So at this time I became more interested in boys my age than girls. As I grew older, I learned about how uncool it was to be "gay" -- friends often made jokes about it and/or shared their disgust at those who were gay. NO ONE ever admitted that they had homosexual feelings! (Even in my one "gay" relationship, we both looked at it more as a way of release until we found our next girlfriend -- even fantasizing about the girls in a swimsuit magazine when we were together). So I denied that I ever liked those of my own sex (trying/pretending to become interested in girls again), and as I grew older, I guess it worked to a large degree. My attraction for little girls disappeared, my attraction for boys remained, my attraction for men my own age never grew much, and my attraction for women bloomed. I'm still not sure of the reasons behind my sexuality, but this is as close as I can get to understand why I am the way I am today, sexually. |
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