Doing a great ministry.
Submitted by Samiel on November 13 2001 13:19:51
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This is the most wonderful board I've ever found!(In relation to Christianity&BL) All of you have been very helpful to me so far, and I intend on reading all of this board. I'm down to "My YF" post so far. I am 19, and have been attending a U.P.C. since birth. I've always had so many worries, and concerns, about my "issue", but have never had anyone to talk about it with that knows anything about religion. My main problem right now is trying to decide whether or not to tell my mom about being a BL. I have somewhat told her that I do have a "problem" with "perverse" sexual desires. But I didn't tell her in what area, even though she asked. She's very supportive and understanding, so far, and has been praying for me. I just can't come to the conclusion of if it's a good idea or not to tell her the whole story... I normally wouldn't even have considered it but.. Reading other posts about people being completely honest with their mates, has made me think it may be necessary. How does this situation resimble that one? Well for starters we are working on having a closer relationship, because she's recently been "called" by God to do a ministry in Russia. She feels that our ministry is supposed to be somehow connected...I'm not against this, and I intend on going with her. So since we're to be in this close relationship together, I'm trying to figure out if it would be best to open myself entirely to her... I've also been fighting a "war" with lucifer. Since I was about 14 I started having thoughts about free will. I've come to the place where I 99.9% don't believe in it anymore. I wont go into the entire thing right now, because it takes about an hour to type everything. The problem is since I now believe we are programmed by our environment and our genes, I am having trouble wanting to fully serve God. I still love him, as I do everyone.. My reasoning may be twisted though.. I don't judge anyone simply because I believe they aren't responsible for their actions. I don't judge God for making a Hell, for the same reason.. Even though he is the creator of all things, I still can not see him having free will either. The reason is because if I am right, then punishing people for things they have no control over is wrong. If I can see this then so can God, if he can see it, and still do it, then he must lack free will as well. So even though I don't blame Him for his actions either, I obviously have something wrong.. Because I can no longer feel close to him.. I can pray for other people and feel God move through me to them, doing a work in their life...When I pray for myself though I feel nothing. Also please note that even when I say I believe something, that only means 99.9%. That's one of the twisted things that have been placed in my mind by either my "flesh" or by the "devil.. It works against me because in thinking that everything is possible, I only flip the equasion from 99.9% to 0.01%.. Even in believing in God...Which obviously can't work out...I see it as, if I can believe in God. Then how can I not believe in any other possibillity? Believing in God is so far "out there" that if I can accomplish that, then EVERYTHING must be possible...I have seen God do "mericals", and felt his "presance", but this doesn't seem to do it.. Unless I see, or hear, him come directly to me with some message of irrifutable proof, then I can't get to the 100%. I suppose an angel appearing before me would also do the trick.. The only reason seeing a "merical" doesn't do anything for me, is because I can explain all of that with science and probability, meditation and channeling... Well.. I'll stop there. I'm not very good at explaining myself. Anyway...I LOVE your board! I will continue to visit it. You are doing a great work! |
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