Re: just wanted to share my feelings
Submitted by tigris on December 22 2001 22:30:41
In reply to Re: just wanted to share my feelings submitted by Ben on December 22 2001 09:22:38
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I'd be happy to talk more. So would I. I would love to try to talk through this and try to figure things out. I hate that my world has gotten to this point. I hate that I can't be "normal". I don't know what to do with all of this. This boy has told me recently that he doesn't want to be a Christian anymore. He doesn't like all of the rules and he wants to have the fun that goes along with not being a Christian. This is killing me. I can't stand thinking about what he is going to be like when he gets a couple of years older. I really believe that he could destroy himself with his own sinful choices. He has told me on several occasions now that he doesn't want to be a Christian, but he doesn't really want to talk about it more that just saying that. I keep telling myself (and I believe that it's the truth) that there's nothing I can say that will change his mind. It's his choice to live this way. My job is to give him an image of what God is like that will impact him forever. He knows that he can tell me anything, and I believe that if he ever gets to the point where he changes him mind or just wants to talk things out, he will come to me with it. Everything in me wants to sit him down and tell him that he needs to change. But I don't think that this is right. I need to just pray for him and wait until he's ready to change. But it's driving me nuts! He is making bad choices and no one cares. I am scared to death that he's doing the wrong thing. It's like I'm watching him drive a car right off of a cliff, and I can't stop him. And what's just as bad is that I can't stop myself from worrying about it. I feel that I have become obsessed with him. I don't like this. I actually quit a job once because I become obsessed with one of the boys I worked with. It was not a sexual obsession at all, but an obsession that stemmed from the fact that he had no real parents to speak of and was in a very difficult home situation. I was the only real stable thing in his life. That sent me over the edge of obsession. I wanted to protect this kid and to be everything for him. I became depressed and it effected every area of my life. I ended quitting because I knew that even if I got over him, it would happen with another boy just as easily. And here I am, five years later, obsessing over another boy. I can't stop, and it scares me. I don't want to have these unhealthy relationships. I know you say that I am not alone. But I sure feel like it. tigris |
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