I can relate to this as well
Submitted by Jules on April 2 2002 17:02:47
In reply to My girlfriend submitted by Ben on April 2 2002 07:02:13
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Hi Ben, Great to see you back! I have to agree with d and Dakota that you've got to tell her how you feel about her, and take it from there. If the result is that you just stay friends, then that's what you'd have to go for. Two things I wonder about. Firstly about your relationship with her now. It sounds as though you've got quite a close relationship, if she's thinking about marriage! And you're calling her your girlfriend, not just a female friend. So does that mean that you're already romantic together, holding hands, kissing, passionate kissing, that sort of thing? If you are, then why have you got to that stage, rather than just being friends? Are you just following her lead even though you don't enjoy that sort of thing, or do you really enjoy it? Would it be right for her, or for you, to continue as you are, living apart, but still romantic friends? Do you sometimes wish you'd said No to her romantic advances already? Well, if you don't want to stay that way, you have a number of options: (a) stop being romantic and just stay friends; (b) move in together as friends, without sex (so long as you wouldn't get into trouble with church for appearing to "live in sin"!); (c) get married and move in together, but still stay "just friends", but with the option of some sex later on and children if you agreed to it later; (d) get married and start doing whatever you can sexually straight away. If she likes you as much as it seems she does, I think she'd find (b) and (c) very hard, especially if you're already romantic with each other; so that really only leaves (a) or (d). Even (d) she'll find hard knowing that you're not really enjoying it. The other thing I wonder is whether you ever find other women more attractive than her, maybe even as attractive as boys. I'm just asking, because in my case I do, but only women much younger than I am (19-20, whilst I'm mid-30s). So far I haven't found any women of that age who I like who are also interested in me, but in theory it could happen one day, and then I could have her as a girlfriend and then a wife. I'm just sharing this in case it helps you to think that you might go that way. But even if you do, don't risk losing the friendship you have now; it sounds like you have a good friend, and one worth keeping. But it may be that if you can't be the husband she wants, that she will have to find another man, and then if that happens, you are free to find a younger woman. But I guess this is getting ahead of things a bit too much for now. For now, you have to face going for (a) or (d), and I suppose you'll have to ask her how she reacts when you tell her all that she needs to know. Sorry I can't add anything very innovative, but I wanted to say something, and say I know how you feel! I'll be praying for you Ben, and really hope you get things sorted out soon! With Christian love, Jules |
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