Update on TJ
Submitted by Ben on May 2 2002 07:48:24
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Hello All - Sorry that I haven't been on much lately. It's been a very heavy work month with alot of travel (can you say 4 flights a week?). Things are settling down now which is partly a good thing and partly a reminder of what is going on in my life. I have been in touch with my ex-girlfriend, trying to be sure that we are still friends. It is odd and uncomfortable but it is happening for the most part. I am still feeling very down and alone, not to mention pathetic at having failed in that relationship. I do pray that God gives me another woman to try again with. It appears that TJ's Mom has been kicked out of the house because they are basically free loading. She called TJ's grandfather (who is my friend from church) for a loan. I told him that it wasn't a good idea, but that offering them a place to stay was a better idea. Knowing TJs mom, she would take the money and run. The last time I saw TJ he was dirty and chaotic. It breaks my heart to see such a beautiful child who is so untamed, so uncared for, so unloved, yet within my grasp to help. But the mother is too pridefull to want help. She turned my help away, not because she was suspicious or anything, but simply because she chooses to refuse help with everything except free loans of money. I know how deeply I love TJ and how much I would do for him. From helping him with his homework, to teaching him some self control to just getting him cleaned up and well fed, I would give my heart to this kid. Sometimes I want to cry, knowing that I can't help him. I know that there is a void in my heart which HE would fill....I know that this is about MY desire, not his. But I also know too that he would get much more from me than I would get from him. At the end, his life would be better....and mine would be lonely once again. Isn't that the way all friendships work with a BL. Anyway, please do pray for him if you could. Thanks for listening. You are not alone. Love, Ben |
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