Here's from me
Submitted by Jules on 2002-06-19 18:10:20, Wednesday
In reply to Shattered Dreams submitted by Ben on 2002-06-18 20:46:48, Tuesday
|
Dear Ben, You know, I somtimes have those same thoughts. At least, some of them. I wonder whether I've got anywhere in terms of lasting relationships, and feel the expectation of family to do the normal thing. There is a fear lurking there which only occasionally surfaces. But one thing I've learnt I suppose over the past couple of years is that I have no duty to change. If I find a relationship that works as I am, then so be it; if I don't, then so be it as well. From a Christian point of view, I really don't think that becoming like Christ is something we can ever monitor or judge for ourselves; even if we could, the things we should judge ourselves by are the virtues that the Bible talks about, the fruit of the Spirit, and so on, and not by our sexuality (which I really do believe is too deep to change). Becoming like Jesus doesn't mean changing who you are, it means learning to deal with your nasty side, and adding new virtues of love, patience, kindness and so on. From what I know of you, I really think you're doing fine in that area! So much so, Ben, that I really wish there was an opportunity to meet you and spend quality time with you. Anyway, even if you're not doing so well at those virtues, no-one can hold it against you unless you've failed deliberately. You know, it's not our job to force ourselves to change -- indeed we can't make ourselves change -- we can only work with the situations that God provides. And unless you've regularly and deliberately rejected those opportunities to develop that God has given you, you have no reason to think you've failed in any way. Your faith in God is misplaced if you think that its purpose is to change you into the person you think you ought to be, or the person you feel others expect you to be. Your faith in God should be placed in enjoying the relationship with him and changing in whatever way results from that, which will turn out to be changing in the way he wants. That's the "plan he has for you", to "give you a hope and a future". There is a tradition of Christian meditation (sorry I don't know where it comes from, I've only heard about it second-hand) that encourages us to think about our own death in God's presence; and what other people will do afterwards, and our fear of leaving this life unfinished. Maybe for some of us here it would be the fear of going through life with no close family relationships; of reaching old age and having no-one to be with or to care for us; to have failed to live up to our family's expectations; and so on. I've not faced it all completely, but maybe if we do face up to these things openly in God's presence, we will eventually find that none of them compare with knowing God now and for ever. At least that's what the mystics say. Ben, I hope some of this helps, and seriously if we ever end up in the same contintent, it would be such a joy to meet you. It's great to be able to meet here, but there are some things for which there is no substitute for really meeting people. With Christian love, Jules |
Follow ups: