What I learned and more confusion
Submitted by Ben on 2002-06-20 06:42:50, Thursday
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Thanks to the guys who replied to my message below. What I take away from your replies is that God does listen, but that does not mean that he is going to deliver what I want, when I want it. I am going to have to be patient and will have to recognize the fact that HIS plan for my life might not be mine. I think that knowing this makes it very hard for me to pray at all. I feel that my motivation for coming to Christ was because I believed that he could do (read: change me from being a BL) what nothing else could do. Now, I am faced with the fact that he CAN do anything, but might not choose to do it. Honestly, it rocks my faith. In Philippians 3:8 Paul writes: "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Considering all other things a loss is a difficult one for me. I suppose I wanted what I wanted...rather than just wanting to know God. I will have the wrestle with this. It's a tough one. On another topic, the men in my church get together in smaller groups on a regular basis to have more intensive bible study. There is alot of talk about confession. One of the ministers was talking about the need to be open with our sin. He was saying how he is tempted lately to look at women in skimpy clothes as the weather is getting warm and says that he needs to be open with others around him about what might be tempting him. So, here I am, practically LIVING for the next warm day, when I can be out at the pool with the boys. It is not like I go through my day hoping to stay completely pure and holy and then I am accidentally tempted by some cute shirtless boy walking by my office window. So, how do I sit in this room of men, listening to them confess a lustful look, when this is all I live for. Granted, I don't look at boys and dream about sexually abusing them....I just enjoy their beauty, their bodies, their cute faces and cool hairstyles. Maybe this is a distinction....maybe it's not. But I don't want to be a hypocrite among the brothers and to feel that I am exempt. You are not alone. Ben |
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