The point I was trying to make
Submitted by Mavric on 2002-10-9 22:44:56, Wednesday
In reply to A thought for Drew regarding 'D' submitted by Mavrick on 2002-10-9 22:04:06, Wednesday
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Drew, Sorry, I got so side tracked by telling the story that I forgot to make my point. (And made some major typos in that posting.) In my situation things were simalar to yours. You are the vitim of what appears to be lies. If the mother does decide to prevent you from seeing "D" I recommend is that you write to the mother and ask to meet her in private. When you meet her I suggest that you do NOT ask her to pray with at first. This would only make her think you are putting on a show and not being serious with her. Talk about how you only want to help "D" and that you do not want to come between her and her son. Ask her about the things that she was told by your ex-wife, but do not mention you ex-wife. You might say something to the effect of "I would appreciate it if you would tell me what you were told that made you make this decision to keep "D's" friends away from him." Try not to make it sound about yourself, but that you are concerned about how it will affect "D" and his school work.Be honest with her,but do not express your love for "D" in any manner. This can backfire on you and only increase her concerns and make her wonder more. Try to avoid the emotinal tactic, don't talk about your emaotons or sound like your are pleading with her to see "D" again. Try to encourage her in regards to the well being of her son. Make the entire conversation about "D" and his needing help in school. Suggest that "D" might benifit from a group study with some of his friends. If she agrees, suggest that she hold at her house so that she is sure that the kids are actually studying and playing. DO NOT voulenteer to lead the group. Instead suggest that she lead the study or find a tutor that can work with all the kids at one time. If she brings up any kind of concern about things she has heard, talk to her honestly and dismiss the things she has heard with proof and facts that can be backed up. Let her know that you are there to help her as well as "D" and that you will respect her decison, even though you disagree with it. I would also recommend that you try to limit your contact with "D", even if she does not ground him. Arange the time you spend with "D" through her, not "D". When you do spend time with "D", make sure that you tell her where you are going and when you will have "D" back. And then have him back on time, if not early. Try to spend your time with "D" in public. Go to the library to study. Work out object lessons that will relate to his studies. But always remind "D that you will be there for him no matter what. But also continue to reenforce his mothers role in his life. Many of these things you may have done, or are doing. I don't mean to make you think that I think you are stupid in this situation. I mention these things because it is hard to remember the basics when you are faced with such pain and heartache. Feel free to email me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to. I will help as beat I can. And to let you know, "J's" mother finally saw how much I ment to "J" and how much he ment to me. She had her will rewritten to give legal adoption rights if she should die. "J" still wakes up at night craying and calling for his mom. I have spent many sleepless nights comforting my son and I know he will hurt for a long time. But he told me something the other night that makes it all worth while. "Dad, I'm glad that God sent you into my life. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here now. I love you more than you will ever know." For those words I would spend the rest of my life comfprting him. Because this relationship is about "J", not me. |
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