About my Dad
Submitted by 'J' on 2002-10-12 00:35:07, Saturday
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Hi. I'm the "J" that Mavrick has written about. I don't know why he didn't put in my whole name, but I won't unless he says it's ok. He is at a meeting and I got bored, so I went online and saw this site in his bookmarks. I was wondering what it was about, so I checked it out. I was very surprised that he had been telling strangers about me. At first Iwas mad because he was telling strangers about me. Then I read your replies. And I think I undserstand. I have been taking writting classes. My teachers say I could be a novelst if I wanted. And Dad says it is a good way for me to work through my feelings, what ever that means. I want to tell you about Dad. My Dad His nick-name "Mavrick" is because when he was a teenager his first car was a Ford Mavrick. So his friends starting calling him "Mavrick" and it stuck. Me, I call him Dad. I love him more than anybody, execpt my mom. If you read his messages you will know why. If you didn't, you should. Now it's my turn to tell the story. By the way, I am a good speller, but not the best. The first time I met him I was thinking that this guy was strange. He came over for dinner and he didn't talk to me like I was a little kid. He talked to me like I was an adult. When I asked him why he said that when he was young he hated it when adults talked to him like he was a little kid. He never changed that. And for some reason I really liked it when he talked to me. He never made fun of me when I was afrad or feeling down. He became my best friend. I always loved spending time with him. I still do. I read the story about when he said he was going to leave the state. I remember that. When he said he was going to leave all I could think of was that this was the cloest thing I have had to a dad. And his leaving was something I didn't want. When I ran up on the stage I was going to hold onto him until he agreed to stay with me. I was crying so hard I couldn't talk. I was mad at everyone that had spread the lies about him and me. I was mad at my Mom because she wouldn't let me spend time with him. And I was mad at the pastor because he didn't stop this sooner. All I remember was his holding me tight and telling that everything would be alright. That and the pastor telling everybody that he couldn't believe that they were so foolish to listen to the lies when they knew better. And then Dad said that if the church voted and agreed to have him stay, he would. When the vote was taken the only two people that said no was Dad's friend and his friend's wife. Did not surprise me. When my mom died I felt like my world had ended. There was so much pain. Even now it still hurts if I think about it too much. Dad said that it has been a couple of nights since I woke up calling for my mom. He was wrong. I put my face in my pillow so he can't hear me. The night my mom was killed by the drunk driver I was sound asleep when Mavrick woke me up. He said that we had to get to the hospital right away, but didn't tell me why. I was still sleepy when we got to the hospital and Mavrick carried me in. He put in a chair and told me to stay there. Then he went to the desk and they took him in back. I didn't know what was going on, but I was worried. A few minutes latter he came back out. I saw something I thought I would never see. He was crying. That's when I knew that it was about my mom. He came over and sat down next me. And said the words that changed my life forever. "I have some very bad news. Your Mom was hit by a drunk driver on her way home from work." I didn't want to hear the rest. But he told me. "She was killed on impact. J, your mom is dead." I don't remember the rest of what happened that night or the next few days. All I remember was crying and feeling like my heart had been ripped out. Mavrick never left me alone. He sat up with me at night, holding me close and just let me cry. He never told me stop and never gave me scolding looks. He was there all the time. He even let me sleep in his bed with him when I couldn't stand to be alone. The funeral was hard. Mom was in the coffin looking like she was sleeping. I kept thinking she would wake up and eveything would be ok. But she didn't. And I hurt. I still do. Writting this is hard. It brings back those memories and I miss her even more. After the funeral I began to worry what was going to happen to me. I had asked Mavrick and he said that he would try to keep me with him for as long as he could. Then I got a call from a lawyer. Mom's lawyer. Mavrick talked to him for me because I didn't know what to do. He told Mavrick that there was a will and the reading was the next afternoon. We went to it. Then my life changed when the lawyer told us that Mom had said that Mavrick was to adopt me and have her house. It seemed like time stopped. Mavrick just sat there. I just sat there. I couldn't move or think or breath. The lawyer asked "Do you have any questions?" I looked at Mavrick and said "Does that mean I can call you Dad now?" Mavrick turned and looked at me. For a second I didn't think he had heard me. Then a smile came to his face. It seemded like it was in slow motion. Then he said "I guess it does. Son." I was so happy that I jumped up and gave him the biggest hug. And he huged me too. We weren't best friends any more. We were father and son. I had never known my father. But I am glad that My Dad is My Dad. The court date was hard. Dad had talked to me about how I should behave. The lawyer told what to say and what not to say. Both of them told me that no matter what I was not to say anything to the man that killed my mom. I didn't want go, but I had to. All I could think about was this man had killed my mom. And I hated him. When we went into the courtroom I was tired. I didn't sleep good the night before. I held onto Mom's picture and thought about the acciedent and how this man could have not been drunk and if he hadn't been that Mom would still be here. Then I saw him. I had seen his picture, but now I saw him. HIM! The murder. The man who took my mom, my world away from me. And I lost control. I jumped up over a chair and reached out for him. I was screaming at him. I called him everthing I could think. I wanted to kill him. Then I was being held by Dad. I tryed to get loose but I couldn't. He draged me into the hall and pushed down into a chair. He put his hands on my face and yelled "Listen to me!" That was the first time I had heard him yell. The only time. I think he had been talking to me, but I'm not sure. He said that he hated the man too. That he wished he had been killed, not my mom. And I saw tears running down his face. And I lost control again. I started crying. He held me close and said "There are times in life when you have to move past the hate and hurt and you have to forgive someone when they have done something wrong. This is one of those times." I looked at him. "You want me to forgive him? HE KILLED MY MOM AND YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE HIM?" Dad sat down in the chair next me and said "You know I am a Chirstian. And I think you are too." I said "yes" Dad said "When Christ died on the cross for us he took the sins of the world and paid the price for those sins. Then he rose again from the dead to provide new life for us. By dieing for us, He forgave us for our sins. If Christ can forgive us for our sins, and we are to be His followers, than we MUST forgive those who sin againt us." And then he sat there for a long time with his hands covering his face, bent over like he was carrying a ton on his back. I had heard mom make comments about people that were trying to convice themselfs of what they were saying. I never understood it until then. It was like he was talking to himself and trying to make himself understand what he was telling me. And then I knew what he said was true. I knew that he didn't want to forgive the drunk driver either. And that he was having a hard time with it too. A few minutes later the lawyer came out and told us that the judge was ready to start. I don't remember much about that week. I know I was put on the stand and asked a bunch of questions. And so was Dad. but that's all. Then the last day of the trial had come. I had been thinking about what Dad had said. I read in the bible that if we want to be forgiven that we have to forgive others to. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I put my hand up and asked the judge if I could say something. He looked at me for a second and then said "Alright, go ahead." I walked up to the table where the man was sitting and looked him in the eye. Dad always tells me tha when you are talking to one person that you should always look them in eyes so they know you are talking to them. I was starting to cry again. I wanted to punch this man in the face and hurt him like he hurt me. But I said "You killed my mom. I loved her more than anyone and you took her away from me. But mister,..........I forgive you." Then I went back to Dad. I lost control and started crying again. I felt funny. Happy and sad at the same time. It's hard to describe. Anyway, Dad took me out n the hall again and told me he was proud of me. I don;t know why, but that made me happy, in a differant way. I forced myself to stop crying and we went back in. The judge ask if everything was ok and Dad said "Yes your honor." and we sat down. The man asked the judge if he could say something and judge told him he could. The man stood up and looked at me. "J, I am sorry." he sat down. I don't know why, but I belived him. After the man sat down the judge told the man the he was sentances to 15 years in prison for manslaughter. I don't know why, but that didn't seem like enough time. On the way home I asked Dad how he felt. He said "Mad, happy,tired and drained." I thought about that for awhile. Then we passed by Mom's house. And was only sad. Dad talked to me about selling Mom's house and his house and moving to the country. He told me it was up to me. I don't want to move, but when we go anywhere, we have to pass the house and it hurts to see it and know that Mom is not there. The other night I couldn't sleep again. I got up and went into the kitchen to get a snack. I wasn't really hungry, but thought it might help me sleep. I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwch when I realized that I hadn't been thinking about Mom. That scared me. I went in and woke Dad up. I told him about it and that I was worried that I would forget Mom. He sat up in the bed and told me to sit down on the bed so that I was facing him. Then he said "I haven't brought this up before because I wanted to wait until you were alright. But I thnk you are now. You loved your Mom and nothing will ever make you forget her. You will see someone that looks like her and for a second you will think it is her. Or you will smell something that reminds you of her and you will feel the lose again. No J you will never forget your Mom. You loved her too much to forget her." I asked him how he knew. He suddenly looked very sad. "I was married 10 years ago. We were happy and in love. The world was perfect. One year to the day, on our anervesiory she died." I waited but he said nothing else. He just sat there. Then I saw a tear, a single tear, run down his face. He bit his lower lip and then sat forward and hugged me. "No,J, you never,ever forget the people you love." Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me to get back to sleep. I went back to the kitchen and finsihed my sandwich. On my way back to my room I looked in Dad's room and saw him holding a picture. And crying quietly. And I felt bad for making him so sad. The next morning Dad was alright. When I got up he was making breakfast like normal. He smiled at me and said "It's about time you got up." we ate breakfast and then talked about what we were going to do that day. I was going back to school for the first time since the court date. Dad has this little routine tha the does every day. When I get ready to leave the house, even if it with him. he gets down on his knees and holds me by the shoulders. Then he says "I want you to know things as you go out into the workd today: First, you are ery imprtant to. Be careful. And secondly, I love you. I always have and I always will, no matter what." Then he gives me a hug and kiss on the forehead. And I always feel like I am the most important person in the world. That day when he he did that I stopped him before he stood up. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. I said "Dad, I'm glad that God sent you into my life. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here now. I love you more than you will ever know." Then I gave him a kiss. And hugged him. And I felt like we were one person. Does that make sense? It's hard to describe how I felt. Still feel. Dad told me that the man who killed my Mom wants me to vist him in the prison. I don't know what he wants, but I'm going to go with Dad. As long as Dad is there, I know I'll be alright. Please pray for us. We both need it. "J" [editted to remove the real name of Mavrick] |
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