Some answers
Submitted by Drifter on 2002-11-8 13:46:11, Friday
In reply to Scenes from childhood submitted by Jules on 2002-11-8 12:51:56, Friday
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I dont feel like getting into a long story about my childhood right now, so Ill just get right to the answers. * Have you always liked boys from as young as you can remember? or, How young is your earlist memory of being attracted to a boy? My earliest memory of being attracted to a boy is from kindergarten. It is strange because at that age I knew nothing about sex and very little about love and intimacy. However I clearly remember a specific blond boy whom I went to kindergarten with that I really liked. Even though I knew nothing about sex at the time, I knew that this boy was attractive to me, and I remember having a dream where I was looking through a window from outside while this boy was being undressed. I remember being particularly drawn to his chest in my dream (and probably in real life too, though since this is such an early memory I dont remember all the details). I also knew at the time, that no one could find out that I felt this way about him. I dont know how I knew, but I knew that this was something that has to be kept secret. I really have no explenation for this incident, how does a kindergartener come up with a sexual fantasy knowing nothing at all about sex? I dont know, but thats how it happened. After the kindergarten incident I remember liking other boys, but not to the extent that I liked that blond kid. I liked other boys more as in wanting to be like them or to be their best friend. No physical attractions developed from after kindergarten up to 5th grade at which time I formed a very special relationship with a slightly younger cousin that included some sexual elements. This relationship formed simultaneously with my relationship with my first girlfriend. It also happened around the time I had my first sexual encounter (with an older girl). After moving at the end of 6th grade, I had a break from any sexual thoughts for a year, until I got to 8th grade and had my great awakening (thats when I got to school and my jaw dropped at the site of all the adoreable little 7th graders). Do you have any particular boylove moments in your childhood that you look back on with pleasure or longing? Are there moments that you regret?Do you still live the emotions of any of those times? Yes/Yes/No Were your childhood sexual desires generally fulfilled, or frustrated? Frustrated Do you think your sexuality would have turned out different if you'd had different friends, or if different things had happened to you? There was one instance in which I came very close to letting another boy penetrate me. Had that happened, I wonder if I would now be gay. Other than that, no I dont think my sexuality wouldve turned out different. I believe that in my case there is a genetic link, and the number of pedophiles in my family tree testifies to this. If you were brought up in a Christian family, did the prevailing attidute towards homosexuality have any effect on your development, positive or negative? Overwhelmingly negative. For a long time I believed that I must be demonically posessed. This thought practically drove me crazy. Do you think there is anything that could happen to you now as an adult that could change your sexuality? No, I will always be a bl. However I dont discard the possibility of learning to love someone whom I would normally not be physically attracted to. e-mail: webnomad@ziplip.com url: http://www.fpc.net/sites/drifter/ |
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