Hard gifts to return
Submitted by Ben on February 27 1999 at 11:34:20
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We have all, from time to time received gifts that we wanted to return or trade in, or that we wished we never received at all. My sister once gave me a new coffeemaker for Chanukah. It was a Braun, one of the best out there. But unfortunately, I had had a Braun many years back and didn't like the coffee that it made, even though it was fancy and supposedly so great. So, I bought a Mr. Coffee, which makes great coffee but if you don't watch it, the top overflows and the coffee grounds spray out all over the kitchen. That's when I put a new coffeemaker on my wish list. But I didn't expect another Braun! This gift was hard to return because it was from my sister, who I love. In my life today, God has given me a gift that certainly do not want to return. But I feel like the gift is so special, that I might follow God because of the gift, rather than because of my beliefs. I had dinner at the home of the twins again, and studied the bible with the father. His patience, his love for me and his deep hope that I will find in Jesus what he found, is more than my own father ever gave me. I could not help but look at him and just want to get on my knees and thank him for his devotion. Here he is, head of a multi-gzillion dollar company, putting so much time and effort into ME, a veritable stranger. As if the gift wasn't enough though, after studying, the dad had to get some work done in his home office, so I plopped down with the twins and Nintendo64 and spent the whole night with them. I can feel their barriers melting away, as they laugh with me (and sometimes AT me, since I'm not half as good with a joystick as they are). To have them so close to me, sometimes looking me in the eye for a second with pure excitement and innocence, to have such physical perfection so close to me, their warmth close enough to feel, their TRUST, so delicate and precious that I couldn't IMAGINE ever violating it, made me wonder how I could EVER earn such a gift. Their innocent love, free of anything sexual, is powerful enough to give meaning to every moment of my life. It MIGHT even be powerful enough to cause me to follow faith when I otherwise wouldn't. My rationale is that right now I NEED their love to keep me committed to studying. But I want to believe that, even as they grow older that by that time my faith will carry me on its own. I hope that I am making sense in this. I am so astounded by the gift of this family, that I just don't know how to respond. Other than to give thanks and to keep listening to the Call. You are not alone. Ben |