Re: choosing a mate
Submitted by Ben on April 15 1999 at 19:06:10
In reply to choosing a mate Submitted by F.O.D. on April 15 1999 at 09:20:54
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FOD - Thanks for your great question which I'll answer in a minute. I have thought 100s of times about what it would be like to have a lasting "covenant" with a boy that I love. If boys could stay boys, I am definately the marrying type! I could think of nothing more awesome than to make a life long committment to 11 year old Michael. When I am with him, even really cute boys seem nothing in comparison to him. This is one of the absolute tragedies of boylove, that the boy can never stay a boy. About a year ago I noticed that, while the twins were confirmed as the most attractive boys that I have ever coached that my relationship with them was not evolving (as it had with other boys who I coached and really grew close to). I seemed to be just looking at them, and enjoying them like a picture, but never feeling anything for them. I talked about this with another BL and we immediately figured out that it was because it was impossible to fall in love with THEM. I was actually happy to arrive at this conclusion because it was proof to me that love was more than just a great body and face. Without a relationship (meaning interaction of personalities), love cannot be real. It was not until I came to be friendly with them outside of coaching, through church in other words, that I had a chance to develop a relationship with Michael. He has a sweetness that is more open and forthright than his brother's, and he loves to be around me and to spend time together. I cannot put my finger on what else it is that has made us click, but there is no question that he is the only one of the twins that I am really in love with. However, I care for and enjoy his brother very much. I treat them both equally and never turn my time away from his brother. Sometimes I will actually spend MORE time with the brother, just to be sure that he is not being left out. I think that the difference is only visible in the way that I look into Michael's eyes. Chances are that Michael's feelings for me are not nearly as strong or as complicated as mine for him. But I think he knows in the look that I care for him very much. Because most activities are group activities, nobody has to be left out anyway and as long as the activity INCLUDES Michael, I'm happy. I don't have to be alone with him to enjoy myself. So for now there doesn't appear to be any problem with being in love with just one. Yet :) You are not alone. 
Ben |