Ben/F.O.D. - On the outside, looking in ....
Submitted by tks on April 17 1999 at 17:20:46
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Hi Ben, F.O.D. and y'all God Bless you all for being here.... this was meant to be ... but is not a short post. While I have been aware of this board for several months, I rarely come here to read. The reason being, is that I assumed most of you are pretty well set in your beliefs and were mainly here to cheer each other on. ;) Anyway, Several months ago I read a post on BC from Ben. It has possibly caused a turning point in my miserable & empty life. I was and still am intrigued by the situation Ben related to about being approached by the twins father, to learn more about their own religious beliefs. What is even more fascinating to me, is, how open the father appears to be regarding Ben's questions and "non Christian" background. I have always enjoyed the fellowship of friends and their family, however I have never found a way to express and enhance spiritual conscious with more than a handful of people over several years. Even though I was raised as a "Christian", I rejected the church while still in my teens. I never completely gave up on the concept of "God", Creator, Supreme Being, ...or whatever "label" MAN wishes to slap on their personal "savior". I know beyond any doubt, that such a power exists, as it has been there for me when no one or nothing else has. Yet I cannot seem to parley this belief into a satisfactory lifestyle. Yes there is a special 11 y/o boy in my life, which only a few months ago, I would not have believed possible. Really! The "MANY" coincidences of life, over several years of an ongoing friendship, is why he is in my heart today. I didn't go out looking for him, but nevertheless there he was. We "clicked" right from the moment we met, even though I knew of him since he was very young. I had not really seen him since then. However, it's a rather long story, which I wont get into now. I too, have to come to terms, in doing the right thing and even the love of a boy does not fill my empty heart for many reasons which should be obvious. I doubt that it is possible to be anything "more" than a loving friendship, between two souls. Sometimes I think that one discovers the depth of their own heart, and perhaps their spiritual essence, when instant .... emotional gratification is not possible. It causes an disturbance of extreme tension, and some need for release! I have no problem, in this regard, since my "church" doesn't forbid such immediate solutions ;) What I really wanted to say to you Ben, is that your own experience, and posts relating some details of how it's progressing has been a powerful influence and has renewed my own look at spiritual renewal, in a sense. But probably not as profound as your own experience. I need to thank you for that and I can only hope that you will be able to continue in your own personal journey, with the guidance of your God. To F.O.D. if you're still here ;) I know that we have only had a few "mystical" exchanges on BC, so .... I've enjoyed getting to know you better by reading your posts on this board. Mainly I have only been able to read the replies to the "Ben" threads, but will try to catch up on my homework, as the days go on. It is good to read how your own, and everyone's spiritual growth is progressing and I wish you all well. Thanks again Guys .... I know that we are not alone, .... it just seems that way a lot of the time .... For the Love of God tks |