That's good
Submitted by Triple Q on October 30 1999 at 22:12:10
In reply to Re: Or in this case, the non-siner? Submitted by Val. on October 30 1999 at 20:34:29
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The fact that he has not yet crossed over that line into actual sex will make it easier for you to deal with him. In my opinion, the first thing you need to do is stop defining his orientation as a demon. I know this is the Christian perception but, by saying that he has a "demon" in him, you are basically re-enforcing the fact that at least a part of him is evil...and that is the way he will begin to view himself. Pedophilia, like homosexuality and even heterosexuality, is nothing more than an orientation. In my opinion, it is something that a person is born with and cannot be changed with any amount of effort. It may be suppressed but it will never be fully gone from the person who feels it. It's good that you didn't "freak out" and immediately "launch into him" when you found out about your son. You only mentioned that your son was 11 at the time but don't mention how old he is now so there's no real idea of how long ago it happened. If it was on the scale of years instead of months, my thoughts on the subject would be that your friend was merely "experimenting" to see if he is in fact a pedophile. And if it has been years since your son was 11 then your friend found out what he wanted to know...either that he did enjoy it and is a pedophile (but chose to abstain from further contact with children apparently) or that he did not enjoy it and is not a pedophile (in which case he would not have admitted that he was). How do we deal with this? I didn't...at least not too well until I discovered BoyChat a few years ago. Basically, I would just submerge the emotions and hold myself rigidly in check when forced to be around children. But, once I found BoyChat, I could sit and talk and realize that I was not alone in this fight. There are plenty of others out there who felt the same way and we shared our feelings and dealt with our emotions. That's something that is not easy to do when you feel that you constantly have to hide how you feel from the people around you. That's something you probably take for granted. Say, you're having a problem at work and you need someone to talk it over with so you go visit a friend or family member and talk about it and eventually work through it. Your friend can't do that. If he was to start talking to you, a friend with a child, about how he is having these thoughts about children, you would probably think he was "demon-possessed". My suggestion to you would be to find a way to get him to come online and talk to some of the people here, at Religious Debate Chat, or BoyChat...because, in truth, only another boylover can have even a small clue about what is going on in the mind of another boylover. A non-boylover reading about pedophilia can only gain so much knowledge and then only has a 50-50 chance of being able to apply what they've learned in the way that it should be. No offense intended. That's just the way it is. How do YOU keep him from the "dark side"? Be there. Love him for who he is, not what he does. Show that you aren't going to abandon him. Yes, when your world is falling apart, the easiest way to knit it back together again is to know that you are LOVED...and that that LOVE will not be easily taken away. It can be that easy if you let it. Love |