You've been here too long...
Submitted by Dirk Gently on November 04 1999 at 21:13:32
In reply to *squeak* Submitted by Triple Q on November 03 1999 at 23:49:18
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...you're starting to sound as guilt-ridden as the straw Christian that Honesty used to beat up on. ;) I'm deeply sorry you've been having such a miserable week. But unless I've totally mis-read you, you've been disemboweling yourself because your thoughts had become less than holy. It sounds to me like you've discovered (or been granted the gift of) metanoia. You realized that you had been entertaining a thought which was abhorrent to you. You have rejected that thought, with great force! You have been sorrowing over your careless moment for most of the week. Triple Q, I hope you'll forgive me for dumping all this Christian talk on you. The thing is, if I've understood you correctly, then I need to assure you that the One who knows your deepest heart has seen your tears. God does not desire the death of a sinner, but rather that he turn away from his sins and live. God it was who forgave David through Nathan the Prophet, when he confessed his sins, and Peter weeping bitterly for his denial, and the sinful woman in tears at his feet, and the Publican, and the Prodigal Son: May that same God forgive thee all things, both in this present world, and in that which is to come, and set thee uncondemned before his dread Judgement Seat. I am nobody, but I am a nobody who is also part of the royal priesthood, the holy nation. (If you're interested, go look at 1 Peter 2 for more details on my credentials. :^) ) You've said that this girl is "the one bright spot in a very dark life lately." Don't punish yourself for being human. I think you've demonstrated to yourself that you will never allow yourself to think in "that way" about her again. And if the thoughts recur, just push them away again. My friend, your actions don't make sense for an atheist / agnostic. It's only us religious types who are supposed to be all morbid and penitential. Smarten up, man! You've read about Ben and the twins -- why deny yourself and the girl a loving friendship? Life is about living, but it sounds like you've been dying inside all week. I believe God has already forgiven you, and is just waiting for you to forgive yourself. That's my two cents' worth, anyway. Dirk |