searching for old friends and better times
Submitted by NOG on December 12 1999 at 11:50:02
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This has got to be the most lonliest period of my life.The person i grew to love and cherish has,in a few short months,grown so far away from me that we dont even talk.why am i telling you guys this? I suppose because i cant speak out about it in real life.and more's to the point i met one of your number whilst he was on vacation here last summer and found i could be frank and honest with him.I guess i'm depressive and moody at the best of times but This is eating me up inside.Where did i go wrong.why does g hate me so now? .as far as i can tell I did nothing that was so drastically wrong to warrant a total break down in communication and friendship. I guess life is all about change, and g more than likely feels he dont need me in his life no more..but i made a mistake.I made the mistake of falling in love with him.Of course i could never telll him that.That would have ruined the whole basis of our friendship.What he wanted and needed was a father figure,and thats just what I tried to be for him and thought i was succeeding.But life is cruel,and here i sit with just my memories of the 2 years we both thought the world of each other. But boys grow up.. Don't they.They become independant..They need you less and less. I understand and accept this.It's a fact of life.we all went thru that process. What i cant understand is why the friendship had to go too.Am i to blame? i'd say partly. is he to blame? how can u blame a child who is confused about himself yet i find myself doing just that. He did a lot of things that were not constructive to our friendship To be honest i dont know why I'm writing all this here. what I'm hoping to achieve by doing so.God knows i've moped to enough people about it on irc. But i guess since I met F.O.D last summer there is a more personalised aspect on this board for me. for whatever reason i felt compelled to put a post here.Thank you for allowing me my whim.I seldom post nor reply..But i guess when u feel alone as the saying goes..It's good to talk.and in the aspect of bl there is very few places you can talk.so with all that off my chest i'll leave you and thank you for givving your time for listening to me |