Yes, search for old friends . . . and new
Submitted by Jules on December 12 1999 at 15:03:34
In reply to searching for old friends and better times Submitted by NOG on December 12 1999 at 11:50:02
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Hey NOG, Glad you decided to post here. Losing a friend is a painful thing, I know, and it's natural to blame him as much as yourself. But you're right to recognise that part of it is simply due to him growing up. Being in love with someone when the everyday friendship isn't there is a very lonely thing, and it makes it harder to focus on being friends with everyone else in your life. But in the end, it's being friends with others that is the way forward. For me, the pain has usually been in being in love with someone but never being able to make friends with them in the first place, but the solution is the same - focusing on other friends anyway, and making a point of including people I'm not immediately attracted to. You've had a great two years of friendship, but it's probably been a bit stressful as well, not being able to tell him how you really felt. Now part of you is wishing you had told him, and part of you knows it wouldn't have helped. Maybe in the end he sensed it anyway, and knew he didn't want to go into what it could have led to. Once when I was in love with a boy I did tell him. It was just too much for him to cope with at his age of uncertainty, and we've kept away from each other since then. (It's turned out that I'm away from home much of the year now anyway, which helps.) That was over two years ago, and maybe now the memory is just beginning to fade enough for us to be ordinary acquantances again when I'm next home, and maybe even talk about it. Or maybe in another year's time. I don't know for sure, but I hope it will happen one day. What I do know is that I'm not in love with him now in the same way as I was, even if the memory of that love does come back again when I see him. Maybe one day you'll wake up and realise you're not as much in love with g as you used to be. Well, do come back again whenever you want, my friend. With love, Jules |