Things I've Learned: Part 3
Submitted by Ford Prefect on April 08 2000 16:07:33
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I've been "lucky" enough to learn that celibacy by itself was no answer to the problems I was having with relationships. Indeed, since the one relationship (now over 25 years ago) that did have sexual expression, I've seen two other relationships suffer the same fate without such assistance. Unfortunately, the "lesson" I learned from this was that I must be truly unlovable. It was the wonderful priest I mentioned in Part 1 who disabused me of this idea. And yet, celibacy still seems to be a route I will continue to take. For many reasons, I remain unconvinced that sex itself is an evil to be shunned. Because of what sex communicates to me, it would be extremely dangerous for me to consider it in any circumstance outside of a permanent, committed relationship. Considering my age, and to whom I'm attracted, the chances of such a relationship are virtually nil, and I'm not going to waste time and effort seeking one. So, what is there that's attractive about celibacy? Isn't it something other than mere avoidance? Platitudes about becoming more holy, more spiritual, less worldly are wasted on me. Breast-beating spiritualities work for some people, but I'm not one of them. The same priest I've already mentioned was the first to tell me of his own struggles with celibacy. He expected it would all be explained in the seminary, but the explanation never came. No wonder we had so many priests who went to the priesthood to escape having to deal with their sexuality. He told me that by being celibate, he, like Paul, could be many things to many people. It was he who encouraged me to develop many friendships, many relationships, and thus be able to draw from and contribute to each without becoming dependent on any one. This was contrary to the way I'd lived my entire life -- I'd always wanted that one, special relationship -- but this man clearly knew what he was talking about and had already shown me things about myself I'd never seen. Well, it's worked. I can't say I'm happier now than I've ever been, but I'm more at peace, and I feel more useful, more valuable, more loved (which makes me wonder just what happiness is). I'm still looking for the true significance of celibacy, but for now I'll just follow the way in mystery. ---Ford |
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