The real versus the superficial
Submitted by Forgiven on July 25 2000 18:35:38
In reply to You've Got Friends and Brothers submitted by Chris on July 24 2000 19:21:19
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What follows is not very 'nice' or 'gentle' - it comes from some of my pain and reveals some of what has really hurt me. If I hit some targets, I invite you to ask God whether the challenge is valid or not - and if it is, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! One of the crasser films of the recent years is ET - here we have lonely little boy getting emotionally involved with an alien whom he's only met briefly. Then he goes away and the kid is heart broken. It's that sort of 'depth' of friendship and relationship that most of settle for most of the time - and when the marriage doesn't last, we chuck it away and try again. And it is reflected on this board. Chris's use of the term 'love' for his concern for us is an abuse of language - there is no substantial relationship that justifies the use of the strongest word in the English language for commitment. And it's what I (we?) experience in my church. They all make the right noises - but when something hard comes along - or even the making of meaningful space for you in their lives, it doesn't happen; there are no families in our church whom I would be welcome to turn up on the doorstep of. Of course I'm not perfect in this - I'm sure that I don't give enough encouragement to others - but to me it is still not REAL. One of my favourite writers is Orson Scott Card; there are two books of his that really hit me very deeply because they speak of the marginalised outsider finding a place to be part of a family. In the first, Ender's Shadow 'Bean', who was grew up on the streets not knowing his family does eventually find them - and they welcome him home. In the second a boy who kept his little brother locked in a cupboard because his alcoholic mother told him to slowly finds total acceptance from a group of refugees in post apocalyptic America because he is able to help them survive. (Incidentally read Ender's Game first - reading 'Shadow' first would ruin 'Game' for you). There's a risk I'm sounding too negative about this board - it is a invaluable lifeline for me to sound off, at times self indulgently :-). It is an opportunity to share an element of my personhood that is otherwise kept hidden. But ultimately it is virtual - that means it doesn't offer the hugs, the relaxed sharing, the 'just being there' that real, long term relationships provide. I guess at some level its about 'incarnation' - God didn't just send messengers to proclaim his love, he came himself to take humanity into the Godhead. Too often we just proclaim - at a safe distance - with no real involvement in the lives of the listeners. Jesus shared his life totally with his disciples for 3 years - are we sharing deeply with anyone? Is that our target? Or, for example, are we happy to skim through the vacuous 'How are yous' of the normal Christian fellowship without giving a meaningful answer? I don't know what the answer is - all I'm sure of is that it is a deep weakness of our western society, and it is one that the Church should seek to combat and model an alternative to; but instead most are happy to settle for a gruel superficial relationships, and those of us at the margins are left to our disappear. 'If you have been, thanks for listening' :-) I hope something of this makes sense to others! |
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