I don't know how balanced I have it, since if it was balanced, I don't think it would still be affecting me. But there really doesn't seem to be any pain involved, at least not as we generally think of pain. Maybe uncomfortable would be a better term for what I feel. In any case, you don't have to worry about treading too cautiously. I'm just not going to lay that part of my life bare on a public board, but I don't mind discussing it to a point.

I don't know what else I can say on the subject that I haven't already said. I'm finding that I'm just saying the same things, only wording them differently. As you know, I've never suggested that it's ALWAYS harmful. The point of contention seems to be how OFTEN it's harmful. People can site studies and expert opinions either way. I personally think it's USUALLY harmful. But I don't have the knowledge or resources to prove it. I find it significant that the vast majority od those who don't think it's harmful in most cases are those who want it very badly....ie boylovers. As others have pointed out, I don't know how subjective most boylovers can be when dealing with something that they crave. I have only personally known of a few man/boy sexual relationships, one of which was the one I was involved in. And in EVERY case, it was harmful to the boy. I suppose that's a big reason why I feel it's usually harmful. But the pro boysex lobby would tear that argument apart as being too small a sample. I can understand that, but it makes me wonder how large of a sample THEY personally know about. Sure they can find published examples of non-harmful boysex, and I can find published examples of harmful boysex. So we're back where we started, which is just personal opinions.

Since I don't think anyone is arguing that boysex is NEVER harmful, it seems we are debating percentages. I find it interesting that those who profess a deep love for boys would engage in an activity that has hurt so many boys. Oops, there I go again, trying to put some percentage on it by saying "many." But again I point out that those saying it doesn't hurt them all that often aren't in a position to be unbiased. If a person wants something badly enough, especially if it's not only a physical yearning but also an emotional one, they can make themselves truly believe almost anything, regardless of the number of examples to the contrary. They'll just trot out a few examples of their own to "prove" their opinion. In my case, I deluded myself for years that I was merely bisexual, not a pedophile. I honestly and truly believed that for a long time, regardless of the fact that I wasn't attracted to men at all, just boys. I'm not the type of person who looks at anything thru rose colored glasses. I'm more the type that sees things as they are, regardless of how distasteful it may be. So for me to delude myself about this when there was so mush evidence that I WAS a pedophile amazes me. I guess since I thought of pedophiles as monsters at the time, I just couldn't accept the fact that I was one. So like I said, when someone wants something badly enough, they can believe almost anything.

You brought up your point that society might be the cause of the harm in many cases. I certainly agree that society at least ADDS to the harm. It also may be the major cause of the harm in some cases. But why does that matter? I honestly don't see the relevance of where the harm comes from. We can debate the source of the harm till the cows come home, and it won't help one single boy stay away from harm. It may be an interesting intellectual discussion, but that's not why I'm posting all this. I want to keep boys from being harmed. It seems some are more concerned with debating the percentages. So I guess as long as there aren't TOO MANY boys that are hurt by boylovers' actions, it's ok? That's a rhetorical question, not one to you personally, Cat. But Blackstone and others are putting forth the argument that being sexual with a boy is similar to riding a bike, since both carry some risk of harm. With apologies to Blackstone, I think that comparison is rather silly. Riding a bike (or other such activities) doesn't carry any risk of emotional harm or social stigma. Riding a bike doesn't mess with a young boy's sexual and emotional developement. And I think it's obvious that when you take all the boys who have had sex with men and consider how many were harmed, it far outnumbers those bike riders who were hurt. No, I can't prove the percentages. Can anyone prove the percentages to the contrary? So it all comes back to playing the odds with your YFs life. But I guess that's ok with some people since boys are hurt every day riding bikes. Don't you find it interesting that the only people who even slightly accept this "risk factor" argument when it comes to sexualizing boys are boylovers?

One thing I haven't mentioned before is this. As Christians, we try to follow God's way. And most Christians believe sex outside of marriage is wrong, so we try to refrain from it simply because that is what God says. I haven't gone too deeply into that because sometimes just because God says no isn't enough, when faced with a strong yearning. I think we all have knowingly gone against God's will at some point in our lives with one thing or another. And I didn't want to focus my arguments against boysex to only Christians. But God doesn't tell us not to do things just because He's some kind of killjoy sitting up in heaven trying to make us toe the line for no real reason. God says no for a reason. Many times we don't know the reason. Sometimes we find out the reason when we go against His will and suffer the consequences. In Old Testament times, there were a lot of rules. Back then, the people didn't know a lot of the reasons behind the rules. They just followed them because God said so. Today, we see that a lot of the rules had sound reasons behind them. Such as the rules on what kinds of meat they could or could not eat. We know now that the meats that were forbidden could have harmed them. It may not have caused harm every time they ate that meat. But it was harmful in enough cases that God forbid it. There are other examples, but I don't want to do an extensive Bible study to find them. But I think you get the point. If God forbids sex outside of marriage (including boysex), it isn't just because He wants to see us get all horny and frustrated. He has His reasons. This may not mean much to a nonChristian. But it has been shown that there are benefits to living a Christian lifestyle, regardless of whether or not you're a Christian. I think the Mormons are a good example of this. They are certainly not Christian, but they hold to a lot of the same Christian principles as we do. Some Mormons follow those principles a lot closer than we Christians do. And the Mormons seem to enjoy a better, happier life than the average person. I envy the great family life many Mormons have. My point is that when God tells us what we should and shouldn't do, it's often because that is what's best for us. Which is just one more reason I don't think anyone should ever be sexual with a boy. If someone wants to take a risk with his own life or well being, that's his right. But don't take a risk with someone else's life and well being, epecially not one you claim to love.

Dakota