Unique (and maybe your name is an indicator here), the thing that makes this reaction so violent is that it's totally focused on yourself. You want something real bad, you can't get it, and you can only deal with it by numbing or destroying the 'me, me, me' involved. Your love is a valuable impulse to do good for someone else, and instead of using it to do that good, you just use it to evaluate your own status.

Yes, it's a bitch that you can't fall in love and have a hot romance. Not only are boylovers in that situation, though, but also a lot of gay guys and geeky straight boys. I have a hetero friend who's nearly 50 now who has finally accepted he will always be a virgin and unmarried ... he cried himself to sleep many nights even until he was in his 40s... finally he just focused on all the other things in life that interested him. There's more to life, there really is. I've had a multi-decade relationship and my partner is now an irritable old coot who's pissed at me half the time, though we still love each other. Believe me, I wouldn't change my status, but it's not a disaster for you if you never go there.

The way to deal with beautiful boys is to know you're doing something that helps them, so I suggest volunteering with a charity like CARE that helps kids overseas. When you know your love is going out to some real boys in a meaningful way, rather than just warping around to bite you in the heart, the beginnings of happiness might find you.