and you need to treat it as such by going to see a doctor. He should be able to diagnose whether you are in fact suffering depression or just 'not coping very well'. If you are, then there are treatments that do make a difference. And once you realise it's a medical problem, one of the issues - guilt that you're not coping - is removed.

Something that you might consider is getting some physical exercise; I use a push bike to get almost everywhere locally, and find that helps me get a degree of enthusiasm about life.

Hope that doesn't sound too flip and not taking depression seriously; the experience of seeing an ex-YF (he was way out of my AoA but had been a YF, and was now a good friend) sitting with tears streaming down his face for no obvious reason totally convinced me that depression is SERIOUS; unfortunately because there are no visible symptoms, it's often easy to disdain, but actually it's a big problem.

Are you aware of lifeline - the BL/GL run online chat at

http://lifeline.ivan.net/

Never been there myself, but I know people who have. Maybe worth a look.