Thanks for being amazingly honest with us; it's always a great privilege to hear about real stories.

There are two issues I'd like to draw your attention to from a Christian perspective:

1) Your comment:

'We only get one chance at life, and I don't want to spend it either searching for someone I feel this in love with, or losing time with someone else while this relationship proves useless.'

is surely too pessimistic if we take the gospel seriously; given that we will spend eternity with God, in a place where He will 'wipe away every tear', to focus on our happiness now as the measure of everything is surely unwise. And the assumption that this relationship is going to be the only time that you 'fall in love' seems unreasonable: yes at the moment he is THE ONE, but I suspect the experience of almost all of us on this board is that we do end up attaching to another. Actually it's the tragedy of being a BL - our beloved's primary attractiveness has an even shorter timespan than that of women. And apparently - just to put this in context - all Catholic priests are warned that it is inevitable that they will fall in love at some point: the challenge for them is to resist acting on it. Equally it's fundamental to the idea that adultery is wrong to say that 'being in love' doesn't legitimate behaviour that breaches 'what is right'. So I think you should try to resist assuming that this is 'my one chance at happiness'; actually the opposite is probably more accurate.

2) Ever since Adam and Eve we've been falling for the lie: 'God is just stopping you from doing something because He's mean and doesn't want you to have fun' - that I know better than God what's good for me. Once I take the nature of God seriously then this idea collapses rather quickly, but too often it underlies my approach to life in practice, even if I recognise that it's a big error in theory. So another issue to bear in mind is that God DOES want the best for you: can you really tell Him that your YF is the ONLY way you will ever be happy again?

Hope that helps put all this in context!