Stand up and be accountable
Submitted by Comfort on October 20 2000 18:14:39
In reply to Do we let shame condem us or do we shine on? submitted by Once a boy on October 20 2000 17:34:03
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No - do not be condemned by shame. If you have sinned, simply confess and repent. If you have not sinned (or so you think) - why do you feel shame? You should probably ask your pastor. Tell him what you were doing, and what you were thinking about the boy, and ask him, "Why would I have such feelings of shame when I know that I did not sin?" How would your pastor and that boy's parents have felt about you going on a camping trip with their son if they knew of your inner struggles? Should we ignore the concerns of parents to protect ourselves and our "rights" to the friendship we want to have with a boy? I understand that it can be a very sensitive issue to talk about - if it weren't sin, we wouldn't be so sensitive in sharing the striggle with others now would we? But should we not seriously consider the desires of our pastor and a boy's parents? When I confessed to the father of a boy I was involved with (about whom I had sensuous thoughts and with whom I had been physically close) and my pastors about my thoughts and behaviors (including looking at boy porn on the internet), there were some things that were expected of me. I needed to confess that what I had done in thought and in deed was sin. And I needed to be held accountable for future interaction with boys, as well as other behavior that could encourage those thoughts. How do you think that father felt about his son wanting to stay the night at my house? Of course that isn't allowed - it never should have been by me who was the only one who knew of the struggles I was having. But he does feel OK with me being around his son, and encouraging him - but he wants me to be careful not to be alone with him - this is easy to respect. Another father whose son I also was overly intimate with had some rules - his son not alone at my house and me not alone with him at his house. But he encouraged me to keep teaching this boy the guitar for the praise band, and to continue to encourage him appropriately. And my interaction with the youth at church is observed. My pastors and I talk about that, and they give me feedback. They keep me accountable about what I access on the internet, and we pray together. This open and honest relationship means that no one is in danger, and that I have open access to all approriate opportunities to encourage boys in our church. It has strengthened my spiritual health (the porn was killing me spiritually) and has brought about great healing. The KEY was acknowledging where I was sinning, and taking steps to stop. I was sinning by looking at porn on the internet. I was sinning by getting alone with boys where I could be tempted with no accountability, ignoring what I knew would have been the best wishes of the boy's parents and my pastors, had they known. I was sinning by tring to look up boy's shorts, by touching boys intimately (which although it may have caused the boy no problem, did cause me to sin in my mind), and by not taking decisive steps to avoid lusting in my mind - I was entertaining thoughts when I should have been casting them away. My pastors were looking out for my own spiritual health and physical well-being by discussing and incorporating appropriate boundaries and rules of behavior regarding my interacction with boys. And it has been very good for everyone. There have been no boys lacking for attention - in fact, there has been a new level of encouragement for more than one with whom I have contact. As a direct result of open honesty and repentance with my pastors and the parents of the boys with whom I was inappropriately physically intimate, there has been tremendous healing in my life. I have noted a startingly significant decrease in my desire to be intimate with boys. I have developed a wonderful new desire to be intimate with a woman, for the first time in my life. And I feel more secure than ever before. This is a wonderful answer to prayer! I am accepted, loved, cared for, have ample opportunity for appropriate encouragement of youth, boys as well as girls, can feel and give affection appropriately, and no longer need to hide some 'secret, devastating' and dark sin. That release alone from the secrecy was a tremendous burden lifted off. All of my pastors know my struggle and pray for me - and the fervent prayer of a righteous person will have a great affect, as the Scriptures say. Yes, everyone sins. But there is release from sin - we can mature, and "flee youthful lusts". We can find a place of safety, security, love and ACCOUNTABILITY. I encourage all here to take that bold step, before God, and before trusted spiritual leaders. May God give you the wisdom and strength to do so. In Christ, Comfort |
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