trapped and desperate

I'm not a poet. I just couldn't express my feelings in any other way. The sense of longing, of unfulfilled desires that I desperately need to stay that way. The hopelessness of it all. Like a kid in a candy store Like a pedophile on a playground Trapped in a glass cage Able to see out but not escape An intellectual with a strong moral sense A buffoon ruled by primal emotion Unable to resist that one last glance Unable to not notice each boy I pass A caress with a look But not daring to linger Like the accidental touch That is all too intentional Brown, smooth skin Flawless and firm Still glistening wet From a crystal pool The smile and the look Innocently cast my way The laugh that brings chills Not meant in that way Not daring to stare But not able to stop Why, oh God, why Must I live with this curse Superficial and fleeting Beauty only skin deep Yet it always is noticed Even plauging my sleep Loving boys on a higher plane Not so easy to do As I'm dragged back on down To the pit of desire Trying desparately to resist But unable to overlook The sheer beauty of boys The perfection, the purity Dare I soil that, No! But yet stop I cannot So I pray that I may Someday be cured after all Of the lust that consumes Of the looks I can't help Of the pain of a glimpse of That which can never be ChoirBoy