wow... good insight
Submitted by Splash! on December 07 2000 22:31:23
In reply to Lonliness...... submitted by Once a Boy on December 07 2000 21:24:16
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I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I seek the companionship of boys because they accept me (seemingly) for who I am, they don't play mind-games, they're easy to see-through (no hidden agendas), they're a lot of fun to be around, they make me feel younger, they make me feel loved, they're creative and have no inhibitions, etc. etc. etc. Like someone who posted earlier said, a boy fills an emptiness inside of you that a woman cannot, and vice versa. I recently had a relationship with the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my life -- I lived with him and helped raise him (along with his mother) for several years. He was so funny... so smart. It made me feel good to be around him. It was great to come home from a hard day at work and spend the evening with him. (I also enjoyed spending evenings with his mother, but in a different sort of way). But, as you said, all relationships with "boys" come to an end. They become teenagers and gain other interests. They grow up. They move on. Then what do you do after you've felt like your heart has been torn apart? Do you go on to the next boy, only to suffer heartbreak once again? I've decided to stop looking to boys to make me feel good and loved. I still enjoy their company, but it's not the same anymore. I was totally obsessed with the last kid -- did everything for him, and practically smothered him -- but now I see that it was wrong. I mean, there were good parts -- the parts where I was his spiritual mentor and helped disciple and discipline him. I think he will be a strong godly man because of my Christian influence in his life, but my obsession over him was because of other reasons. I was attracted to him. Maybe these feelings for boys stem from the desire God instilled in me to have a godly family and raise my own healthy, well-loved Christian children? Maybe these feelings got perverted in some way that has turned my attraction for boys into an almost sexual kind of attraction. If I admire a boy, shouldn't I be admiring him for most everything else but his looks? I sort of agree with your last statement, "Perhaps God is using all this loneliness to make us look to him?" because, you know, the only relationship that makes me feel totally at peace and truly unconditionally loved is in my relationship with the Lord. And I know this now more than ever. ~Splash* |
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