Re: Categorising Yourself
Submitted by GCFboi on January 05 2001 12:30:57
In reply to Categorising Yourself submitted by Altima on January 04 2001 10:51:34
|
I think you're right. I believe that what I am really trying to do is to overcome my own need to classify and label myself. I confess that this has not been easy for me to do. Labelling and judging people is just part of our culture. While I have generally found acceptance among gay men my own age and younger, I have to say that this has not been the case with older gay men. Although I have met older gay men who are non-judgmental, and I have a handful of friends who fall into this category, I have to say that most of the older gay men that I have met have been more or less prejudiced against teenagers, and have not had kind words for people like me who are attracted to teenagers. I have been called names like "chicken-hawk" (and worse) too many times for my own taste. (It is somewhat ironic that I usually find older STRAIGHT men to be more attractive than older gay men!) Another point that I need to make is that I don't really care much for many of the things that are commonly associated with "gay culture", like gay bars, pride parades, or draq queens. I don't have anything against such things, for people who like them, but the whole gay "scene" just doesn't appeal to me. The only part of the gay community where I have ever felt at home has been among gay teens and young adults. What I guess I am trying to say, is that while in a purely theoretical sense I am equally attracted to both older and younger guys, in a practical sense, it has worked out such that I have felt much more acceptance and love from teen boys and young men than I have from older men. The older men who have loved and accepted me have been the exception, rather than the rule, whereas with boys and young men I find that I usually fit in pretty well with them. I am just afraid that as I get older, it will be more and more difficult for me to have friendships with teenagers, without having the people around me think that there is something strange about it. But perhaps it is not as hard to do this as I am imagining. I do not expect any of this to change, unless society itself changes, so that is why I am feeling more and more like a boylover all the time. It would be nice if I could find a man to fall in love with, but like I said, it's been difficult for me to find gay men who are able to accept me as I am. And on the other hand, teen guys are not usually ready for a long-term romantic relationship. Ideally I would like to have a stable, monogamous relationship, yet it is not easy to find someone who is both mature enough to do that, and also youthful and open-minded enough to accept me and love me for who I really am. If I were really being honest, I suppose I would have to say that these years of being single and celibate are probably God's way of teaching me to be more patient and less self-centered. Even so, I do get lonely for romance and intimacy sometimes! I certainly enjoy having platonic friendships, but there are certain needs that can only be met by an actual boyfriend. Forgive me, now I'm throwing a pity party!! Anyway, I will give up trying to define and categorize myself. I am both gay and a teenboylover, and that is that. I was just wondering whether anyone here has had similar experiences, but perhaps I am the only gay/tbl young adult person here. At any rate, thanks for listening! |
Follow ups: