Some boys want the loving arms of an adult man.
Submitted by Once a Boy on January 10 2001 18:03:38
In reply to So what happens when... submitted by Huck Finn on January 10 2001 14:58:03
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Yes, many things like this have happened to me. I have slept in a bed with my nephew, a friend's son, and aunt's grandson. However, for me, it would be different to sleep in a bed with kids at a camp. This summer I did sleep on Nick's couch. He's 12. Nick came downstairs in the morning in his boxers, and I only had a pair of shorts on. We had a pillow fight, but ended up laying on the couch together. I believe kids like the closeness or the arms of another around them, but by no means are they desiring sex. Nick has no relationship with his dad, and the feel of a man's arms around him made him feel secure and loved, the love he actuall does not feel from his dad. Indeed, I would probably have not layed on the couch with Nick if other adults had been in the home. Nothing sexual happened except an additional feeling of closeness that was always there in spirit. Nick's been like a nephew to me. Unfortunately, kids can also become confused by the desire to have a hug from someone of the same sex. As children enter their teen years, both dads and moms pull away the physical affection for their child. Not quite sure why? Perhaps because of the concern of the touch being interpreted in the wrong way or because of fear that the touch may now have an "erotic" component to it. Dads may feel uncomfortable lying with a 12 year old daughter on a couch. Mom's may no longer give a back rub to their sons. I don't know what to say. Actually, it is kind of sad. I was just thinking...In November, Jacob, a 10 year old boy, layed his head on my shoulder and he held my hand as we watched The Flinstones. His parents were there and other adults. His 12 year old brother commented, "Look at "John"(me). He's like Jacob (his brother's) dad." I remember I felt a little uncomfortable watching the video with this kid on me, and all these people were there. However, it was nice. There's a difference between the positive uplifting feeling of a hug or a boy holding your hand as his head listens to your heartbeat and the sexual aspect that I suppose exists in some form. Yet, our fear keeps us from experiencing the "good" because of the possible "bad" that can arise. It is funny. Two days ago I got a card Jacob made for me, and I reflected on the many things we did, and I also remembered the good time watching the Flinestones. I am kind of babbling. I don't know if this helps or not. I think I would have stayed with the boys, yet I am not sure. It really depends on how well I knew them. Indeed, continually laying down with a boy (while watching a video or sleeping in the same bed) could lead down a dangerous path where the "good" turns into "evil." This is true of most things. One beer may make you feel good, but continually drinking can lead to a severe problem(a bad thing). Eating McDonald's once in a while is good (variety), but if one eats everyday at McDonald's, you'll clog up your heart. Same with the situation you describe. I saw "treasure the moment" posts. Indeed, treasure the moments you have with boys. One never knows when the joyful moment of a smile, or a silly string fight or lying down will happen, but treasure the momments when they come. And of course, also treasure the moments with adults as well. And even by yourself! Perhaps if you get another opportunity, you'll just relax and soak in the joy that lying there can bring. Perhaps you left out of your own fear of what might happen. In that case, it may have been wise to have left. Again, the boys probably just wanted to have a loving man (you) with them. They probably never have or it no longer happens with their dad. Boys do, however, need to feel the security, comfort and love of a man, and there are of course more ways to show this to a boy than lying in a bed with them! Enjoy all these moments! However, I think this "abandonment" of affection by fathers with their sons and daughters is actually quite sad. Puberty of a child does not mean they no longer want the loving arms of an adult around them. God's second greatest commandment is - "Love one another as I have loved you!" Christ loved in may ways. Of course he spiritually has touched millions! Did he physically touch? In the Gospels, Christ's touch healed people! I am not advocating running around and trying to hug boys, but perhaps if everyone overcame their fears and hugged a lot more, our world would be a better place. ~Once a Boy |
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