The problem is trying to 'read' the heart of a boy
Submitted by Once a Boy on January 25 2001 22:30:27
In reply to Perhaps your assumptions are off track submitted by Jimf3 on January 25 2001 20:32:09
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Jim, Do relaize that there are some in the group who have been hurt by men. Unfortunately, it does happen that there are men who don't care about the boy, take what they want, and traumatize the kid! Of course, many more men severely traumatize boys with their fists than their penises. I know you do NOT advocate raping a boy. You are making us stretch our minds to the possibility that sex can be a good and beneficial thing in a man/boy relationship. You may be right that in some instances, a sexual experience between a man and boy may NOT have a truamtic consequence. I do know that many children have sexual experiences with their peers. Some feel guilty over this; others don't. As a child, I personally had lots of sexual experiences with kids. I was a popular kid! Anyway, I never felt guilty over these experiences. I just found it to be another aspect of play - like wiffle ball, football, playing board games, ect. Instead of shame, I would have to say my life was enhanced by these "games." Still as a kid, I could never picture myself with a man. My peers were fine, but an adult? For me, it would NOT have been comfortable to do this sex play with a man. Of course, there may be some children who can be open to this. I don't know. However, I believe there are so many variables involved. I believe one error in judgement with on of these variables can cause one to think it is okay and then end up actually causing trauma to a child. In fact, I personally think there are too many variables to believe that sex with a minor should take place. Some things may appear okay, but below the surface, they are not. Perhaps there are pedophiles in jail who truly considered the boy's feelings and considered these variables and believed they were all lined up and thought it would be okay...only to realize they did not consider a particular variable, and the child was actually hurt by the experience. What are these variables? Are they different for every child? For example, two children may experience a movie on the holocaust; one is shattered and has nightmares - the other can be seen laughing and playing shortly after the video. How would you know a boy will recieve a touch in a positive way? Even if you ask and they say okay, after reflection, they may feel "weird." It could even occur years later! You would really need to know the boy, and even then, they may fall apart with guilt and shame. Is sex worth the possibility of crushing a boy's soul, especially one you come to love? Finally, when you were a kid, could you have seen yourself with a man? Oh, by the way, what age are we talking about? In this post, I have been thinking of kids between 8 and 12. Of course, for kids 14-16, I suppose a sexual relationship could occur that is beneficial to both, but I'm not sure. Indeed, at 14-16, I think kids have a good ability to express themselves. However, I still can't picture myself at 14 or 16 with a man. But that's just me. There are probably some boys between 14 and 16 who can see themselves with a man. Of course, there are also a ton of variables realted to these "older boys"! Your thoughts back would be appreciated. LATA, ~Once a Boy |
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