First Timer To CBLF
Submitted by SearchIn on February 28 2001 06:42:37
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Wow ... Its 4am and I have just spent the last 3 hours here (for my first time) to this site. I'm not sure what to say to what all I have read but I share so much in common with so many of you. Flyhibye - for I too was so very very young when I when it first happen to me - the exposure at 3 yrs old I believe imprinted me which has lead to my life long struggles. My story is much to long to tell it all here - at one time. But the desire and activity with other boys only increased as time and experiences went on. I must of had a neon sign over my head - to attrack so many men to me as a child. I know lots of you wont believe in my story but God as my witness its all true. With an Uncle at 3 ... then a neighbor ... then a teacher ...then a scout leader ... another teacher ...a family friend ....and then this is the one you will accuse me of being a lier .... but yeah ... my family Dr. for over 4 years from 13-17. And no! I didnt come on to any of them .. they all approched me. Anyways ... it never seemed to leave me as I grew up ... and I presently struggle with keeping in check with myself. Yeah Chris ... I been there too ... and I pray for you knowing what you must be going through ... Forgotten ... I too share in your lost of a job because of a conviction ... and the lack of getting a good job because of the past always being the issue. John Doe ... tears flowed down my face as I prayed for you ... hoping that you will find peace and reunion for your tragic loss of family ... For there is not a minute of the day goes by that I am not faced with loss of mine. To loose your kids and wife and home ... with the shame, guilt, and embarrassment to me as well as them over legal issues. I pray for the day that I can be as free from my torments ... as Forgiven seems to be ... when i can somehow learn to get beyond all the life long shame, guilt, and pain of my past and trust God to heal me ...if I could only let go and forgive myself for all my sins and love myself ... then maybe I could enjoy and accept Gods love and forgivness. I turn from him now ... bound in my own shame and guilt ... thinking I dont deserve his love ... but stay hidden in the shadows ... casue of what other think of me. I apoligies for making this so long ... I know I will keep coming back .. I'll probably just sit back for awhile and read and keep quiet. I know it wasnt by chance that I stumbled in here tonight .... it seems like a good and safe place to rest my troubled head and heart. I hope to gain any knowledge that others may share who have gone this way before me ... Gods Blessings To You One And All! SearchIn |
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