Back on the board and a story

Hello, all. I've been absent from this board for quite some time, taking a hiatus from boylove-related websites. In fact, I gave up going to any boylove-related websites for Lent this year. It was pretty hard. So, now that Easter is finally here, I decided to check out CBF again. However, much to my surprise, I couldn't find it! I thought that it had been taken off the web! (I also couldn't find Boylinks, which bolstered my conviction that something big had happened and I totally missed it.) Thank God for Bach's e-mail though, otherwise I wouldn't have found this board again. Now I'm back, although I don't know if any of you will remember me. I had a story I wanted to share about a person who helped me through those tough adolescent years as a friend and mentor. I didn't think of him as a possible boylover then, but looking back I think he really was. His name was Tony. He was a neighbor who lived with his parents down the street from me. His parents were friends with mine, and that is how I met him. I think he was in his early to mid twenties when I met him. It was great. We hit it off right away, and would spend lots of time talking when my family went over there for dinner. It wasn't long before I was spending the night there, watching movies and stuff. His room was kind of separate, down in the basement, where he had his own refriderator, stove, and TV. I didn't think anything of it then, but when I slept over there, we would both sleep in his king-size waterbed. It was kind of cool. One of the advantages of the fact that my parents knew his family was that there was really no mistrust of us being together. No one assumed or feared anything, including me. It seems this is the way the world used to be a while back, before paranoia struck the masses and even male teenage babysitters became suspect ("Why would a teenage boy want to babysit children unless he had some ulterior motive?"). Anyway, we did lots of stuff together: amusement parks, camping, road trips, high-school basketball and football games, movies, etc. I was just entering seventh grade when I met Tony, and we remained close friends most of my way through high school. I noticed that as I got older he would also start spending time with some other, younger, boys, but again I didn't think much of it. You know, we can be really stupid and thoughtless when we are boys. There are a lot of things I wish I could take back, but of course I can't. As I got older I started to distance myself from Tony. I thought myself "too cool" to spend time with him. I figured myself much smarter than him (which in a bookish way I probably was, but life experience is what really counts, and in that he was my better by far). I became condescending, and I started seeing him less and less. Looking back, I know now how much that must have hurt him. I was his friend, and I have no doubt that he loved me very much. I know how I would feel now in a similar situation, and I kick myself for being so hurtful and insensitive. I was going through boxes of old stuff at my parents' house recently while getting all my old junk out of there and found a shoebox with all the birthday, graduation, and other cards that Tony had given me throughout the years. I was nearly brought to tears with the love, care, and friendship that exuded from his messages. He would give me cards just out of the blue saying that he cared about me, or when he knew I was feeling down to try to cheer me up and let me know that he was interested in me. I took those cards for granted and never saw how much he loved me. He even said that he loved me in nearly every card (always followed by "(as a brother)", probably so that I wouldn't be freaked out), but I just didn't see it. We saw each other occasionally as I got further in high school, but contact pretty much ended when I went to college. I moved to another state and didn't really mail or anything. Through my parents, I heard that he was still doing things with other boys, going to Florida and getting a condo, or just spending time with them. It has occurred to me just recently that he probably is a boylover. He is not married, nor has he had a girlfriend the entire time I have known him. He is in his thirties now, and he hasn't changed a whole lot. This story does have a happy ending. About a month ago, out of the blue, I got an e-mail from Tony asking if I wanted to spend some time with him this summer at a condo in Hilton Head. I responded enthusiastically and am probably going to give him a phone call in the near future to follow up. I'm eager to express to him how much I appreciate his friendship during my adolescent years and how sorry I am that I became so hurtful near the end of our relationship. Here comes the interactive portion of this post. I could really use the advice of the folks here at CBF. I was considering perhaps broaching the topic of boylove with Tony on our weekend together. I am curious if he has ever identified himself as such. However, I am nervous that perhaps the thought of boylove has never crossed his mind and he would be angry or ashamed at my suggesting it. On the other hand, if he does consider himself a boylover, it would be good to have someone (in the flesh) to share my own feelings and thoughts with. But I don't want to risk our friendship or my anonymity. No one (save one) knows that I am a boylover, and I really don't want that information to get out. We've all heard the horror stories about people whose lives were ruined because people who it turns out that they couldn't trust found out that they were attracted to boys. Well, there it is. A story and a question. It is good to be back here at CBF. I look forward to some great discussion. ChoirBoy