Re: struggles.
Submitted by Gabe on November 18 2001 14:44:24
In reply to struggles. submitted by konotok on November 17 2001 20:04:43
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Hello konotok. I am Catholic as well and it's uncanny how your story echos mine in many respects. I also was abused by my da. When I told my ma about it she smacked me around and told me to shut up. I was also taken advantage of by my priest who was the man I most trusted. I had wanted to go to the seminary like you but it was around the time that there was the big scandal about priests molesting children so I was sort of put off. I didn't want to be just another pedo priest. I didn't want to use a clerical collar as a shield against prying eyes who might suspect my orientation. It's a shame cause I wonder what kind of priest I might have been had my guilt and self condemnation not prevented me. I know it is a lonely life. There are times like I feel like the last man on earth. Totally alone in my struggle. But I personally believe that our orientation does not come from the devil. I believe God made us this way for a purpose. My pedophilia is part of who I am. It has shaped my personality and out look on life. I am a sensitive and non judgmental person. I am empathetic to the struggles of others and am always there to lend a hand where I can. I believe that that is what God might have had in mind for me when he made me this way. Yet at times I still feel an intence shame for the way I am. It is just part of the package I reckon. I am glad you found your way here. Reading the posts of others like you may ease your guilt and loneliness in time. I know it has helped me considerably in the short period that I have been posting here. May the good Lord be with you. I will keep you in my prayers. Cheers Gabe |
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