Is this God's test or his message?

Hello All, It has been quite a while since I was here. Looking back in OLDPOSTS (thanks for keeping them, btw) the last time I posted was July. For those who don't know me, I have been around the BL community for quite a while (I'm talking back in the Jongen days of boychat) but 'converted' about 3 years ago when I was reached out to by a family of two very cute twin boys that I was coaching. My life radically changed at that point. You might say that I am a fundamentalist Christian in that I believe that the bible is the inspired Word of God. I do not accept interpretations, though I fully accept that aspects of the bible are not so clear as to prohibit the NEED for interpretation. Anyway, I believe that any sexual activity between unmarried people or people of the same gender is sinful. I am not passing judgement on anyone here, just telling you that I take the bible as it is. This being said, Jesus did not come to save those who are righteous and, as it happens, NOBODY is perfect. There is absolutely nothing in the bible that says some sins are better than others. Therefore, we are ALL sinners, we all fall short. I do not allow my attraction to boys to change what I believe is right. But I also believe that Jesus attoned for my sins, and I am committed to try to live life in the quest of becoming more like Jesus. I am a long way away. We all are. But I'm not changing the standard. That's a short summary of what I believe. As it so happens, I have never been involved sexually with a boy. My tendency is more towards looking, fantasizing and masturbation. I have been working on building a relationship with a woman at church for over a year now. She is pretty and we have alot in common. She loves me to death and she does have a son as well, which certainly makes the relationship all the more appealing. It seems like the perfect relationship except of course for the fact that I am a BL. My belief is that Jesus can change anyone, if we have faith. Jesus healed many who had the faith that he could do so. And I certainly have changed, have curbed my habits and my desires, have definately become less selfish and less self focused, and more focused on serving her and the children that I have the pleasure of interacting with. All of this was going great until this weekend. We had a party with the 5th graders at church, and someone brought their young nephew, a 10 year old from another town. In a matter of about 90 minutes, I had lost all focus of time, space and anyone else around me. I was so taken, so infatuated with this young boy, that being with him became the ONLY thing important in my life. The good news is that I can see him again because he has no father, and his family is happy to have him hang out with me. I offered to take him to a hockey game and his eyes lit up, but now I find myself completely unable to think about anything except him. This includes my girlfriend and her own son. How do I spend the Thanksgiving holiday, madly in love with a ten year old that I just met, having worked so hard to build a proper life? More importantly, is this God testing me to see if I really have changed or is this a message from God reminding me of who I really am. I know that I will always love boys. But that does not have to dictate my lifestyle. I want to live a normal life, but with emotions that can be THAT MUCH in love with a young boy, and never so in love with a woman, how can I possibly do that? Whew, sorry for the long post. I desperately need an outlet and this board is about the only place I can go. Thanks for listening if you have. You are alone. Love, Ben