Re: just wanted to share my feelings
Submitted by Ben on December 22 2001 09:22:38
In reply to just wanted to share my feelings submitted by tigris on December 19 2001 19:19:09
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Does any of my story sound at all similar to anything you all have gone through? Can you let me know that you're there and understand? Sound familiar?! I could have written it :-) Tigris - I do believe that the way that you feel, a way that I litterly lived my high school life, is common among BLs. There is an aspect of idolatry to it though I don't know what the real core of it is. The progression that this took in my life, this obsession/love for certain boys is that I became all consumed. When I was around them, it was like a drug to me; I was completely in another world, absolutely unstoppable to spend time with them, not having any possibility of making a decision to do anything except continue to pursue the time together. Fortunate for me, I was never compelled to do anything sexual (other than to masturbate afterwards) but it is only God who spared me from this compulsion. As for the current situation, I did find myself after a period of time, sometimes content with just having them around, and just knowing that they were under my roof. There was a certain letting go of the every catching moment together, as I realized that I was a teenager and they were just children. But as soon as they would leave, I would be crushed. I do not think that this is 100% indicative of healthy dating relationships between men and women, because such relationships should not be based on idolatry and they have a mutuality that is not the same as relationships between men and boys. I am not saying that he does not want to be with you, but simply that the relationship comes from two different perpectives with two different sets of emotions. The boy desires to be around you because it is fun, he feels safe, he looks up to you. Your feelings are much deeper and emotional. What I do think though is that what you are experiencing is a typical manifestation of a man/boy relationship and that it is not necessarily unhealthy. What you need to be prepared for is that the boy will age, and your feelings will change. You may still love him, but you will no longer idolize him. As your emotions change towards him, the relationship will take on a different flavor. Unless you are also gay, you will eventually move on to other boys. It is this very situation (and the fact that I have no sexual interest in older boys or men) that caused me to cut off relationships completely in my life, instead, feeding my emotions with lustfulness, pictures and fantasy. I'm not saying that this was good. It was just where I ended up. I'd be happy to talk more. I'm not sure if this even helps. I can only say, that you are not alone. Love, Ben |
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