Update on The New Boy
Submitted by Ben on January 6 2002 23:04:23
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Hello All, Back in late November I posted about an encounter that I had had with the nephew of a friend of mine, a fifth grader. Just as I was deep in trying to connect myself emotionally with my girlfriend, I met this boy and my heart was VERY quickly consumed with him. I'll call him TJ (not his real name but he looks like a TJ) Well, God answered another prayer this weekend. A friend of mine invited me to go play laser tag with them and a couple of kids. She suggested that I bring a boy along from church, knowing that I work with lots of kids in church. The boy that I had in mind to invite has no Dad and would have really appreciated the time. But he was unavailable, so on a whim (and a prayer) I called his uncles home to see if, by chance, he was staying at his uncle's house for the weekend. And guess who picked up the phone when I called :-)) So, the next thing I knew I was picking TJ up. He was so happy to see me and he brought out all of his clothes, asking me what I thought looked good. I told him to wear whatever he likes. He spent alot of time getting all cute. I'll have to work with him on being so vain, but I did enjoy him taking pride in his appearance. He spiked his hair slightly in front but it was straight on the sides and back. So, off we went and we immediately were deep in conversation. He had a very vivid imagination and we really had funny talks, understanding each other's sense of humor really fast. We went to a store that has some fun things for kids to do, and we went out for a meal. We prayed together for the food too, and he kept serving me, saying "Can I get you a napkin?" or "You can have my french fries". And I would say, "Anything that is mine is yours TJ" and he said, "No, no, Ben, anything that is MINE is YOURS". When we were done eating, we sat at the table and he was making little animals out of left over cartons from the food. He would say, "Okay, guess what it is" and when he did it he would look right into my eyes across the table. I am not embelishing this story. It was just this way. So, I looked deep into his eyes and would say something funny like, "I think it is a dog that got eaten by a cat and only the head was left". And his eyes wouldn't move, but he would smile and his eyes would light up and then reply with an even more silly possibility. He said at one point, "Your my friend". Wow, how cool! Later on, he got very wild and rambuncious when we played lazer tag and then when we went out for a late desert. At the lazer tag place we both had to go to the bathroom and so we went together, opened the door and then realized that it was a one person men's room with a lock. He looked at me and I looked at him, trying to figure out what we were going to do. Then he said, "I just want a drink anyway and you can pee". I was a bit surprised that he felt so comfortable being locked in a bathroom with me. We had only met twice before and there was suddenly so much intimacy. Things went downhill a bit at the restaurant. There were adults and kids at the table and he kept farting loudly. I corrected him alot. Then he went to the bathroom and didn't come back, so I got nervous and had to chase him down. He was all over the place and not very respectful. He kept complaining that I keep 'yelling at him', though I wasn't yelling but just trying to keep him safe. I said to him, "Hey TJ, I'm just protecting my friend here....I don't want to lose you, that's all." He more or less accepted this, but I knew that he was testing to see how much he can get away with when we are together. So, the evening finally ended and I was driving him home. He said, "You know, you're my best friend. Nobody ever treats me like this." Wow, I was really touched. I had him call his uncle on my cell phone to say that he was on the way home. Then I heard him say to his uncle, "Can I please sleep over Ben's tonight?" I shot him a look and said softly, "No TJ". "Why not?", he said to me, "He's thinking about it". I said, "I don't think we know each other well enough yet, we aren't that good friends yet". I had meant that we should know each other more well and more importantly that his parents should really know and trust me before he actually sleeps at my house. But he got very upset and said, "You're just like everyone else!" He was trying to manipulate me, but he was also upset that he had already told ME that I was HIS best friend. And here I had just rejected his friendship to a degree. So, I talked with his uncle and we agreed that a sleepover should be a SPECIAL thing that we can look forward to. He really was upset, really wanted to sleep over. And BELIEVE ME I wanted him to sleep over! What could have been more perfect? But I knew it wasn't right and I knew that it was not appropriate...at least not yet. But, things were moving very fast and it was TJ who was doing the pushing. I dropped him at his uncles house and I saw him again today. We had a couple of 'exchanges' of me correcting him as he got a bit out of hand. He got upset and sulky and I said to him, "TJ, I'm not gonna let you do the wrong things...I love you too much for that". And he said, "You don't LOVE me, you LIKE me". I told him that was okay with me. He continued to act sulky and I wondered if I had already pushed him away. And then I saw him walking towards me and he walked behind me, and then suddenly I felt arms around me and he was climbing onto my shoulders. I take this to mean that we are still friends, even though I'm holding him to higher standards that he ever gets held to at home. I gave him my cell # too. I do hope that he calls me. We have plans for next weekend. I'll update more if you guys want me to. I don't want to bore you. I am so passionate about this kid. If only I could feel this way about women.... You are not alone. Love, Ben |
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