Re: hopesalive
Submitted by hopesalive on January 18 2002 19:35:36
In reply to hopesalive submitted by Genghis on January 18 2002 14:43:13
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Thank you for your responses Ben and Genghis. This relating to people thing is new and very shocking to me. It is forcing me to look at myself in a new way. While I have some nice boyhood memories (under 10), I have spent most of my life hating myself. I could never seperate my feelings from my soul, because they seemed so horridly intertwined. I read in the Bible a few nights ago that "a wise man loves his soul." That was like a kick in the face to me. I have always thought that loving everybody else was enough, but to love myself is the hardest thing anyone has ever asked of me. Sometimes I feel like I am in a world of beatiful people. If you look at them close enough, they are so beautiful that it can take my breath away. However, I have never been able to see myself as anything but ugly. Maybe that is also something I am medicating. I can't love myself, so I need someone who will love and trust me unconditionally. They will put their arms around me and feel safe. I will feel loved. But I know I could never ask my friend to fill my life like that. I want him to be happy and free. That gives me peace and contentment, even if it does not give me happiness. I suppose I sound very naive when I say that I will never love anybody like I love him, but he is my first love. I am 21 and have never felt that way. He has taught me what love is. Even if we part, he will always have a special place in my heart. |
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