Romans 1? !!!!
Submitted by Jules on April 16 2002 15:46:19
In reply to For Better of For Worse submitted by Ben on April 13 2002 08:34:52
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Hi Ben, I want to add my support to you having made such a hard decision, even if it is a couple of days late. There'll be moments as the days and weeks go by when you wonder whether you've made a mistake, but just remember this: you made the best decision you could at the time. I don't think that reading Romans 1 is the most helpful thing you could be doing at the moment! It's too easy to think it's about you when it's not. Paul was writing about pagans, people who'd don't recognise God (see v.19-21), and giving examples of the immorality that results from rejecting God - the sort of unrestrained, uncontrolled free-for-all sexual indulgence that characterised the worst of paganism, including temple prostitution, and so on. There's no way he's talking about Christians who are struggling with sexual temptation, or even Christians who've given in to sexual temptation and know they've gone wrong. He's talking about people who've chosen not to know any better morally because they have rejected God. Don't put yourself in that category without good reason! I don't really know what the penalty is that Paul describes in v.27 (does anyone else have any ideas?) but I'm sure it isn't the pain of broken relationships you're experiencing. It must have been something much more specific, and presumably obvious to anyone observing pagan society in those times. Or it might simply refer to their ultimate punishment for rejecting God. I'd go for this instead: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)If you read stuff that fits that, you can't go far wrong! Can you change? Will you change? Do you want to change? These are all the questions I've faced over and over. Over the past couple of years, I've been operating on the principle that it's best to ignore the questions for now, and just concentrate on making more friends, both male and female, and seeing what happens. One thing I do know is that God wouldn't want me to cut myself off from relationships, but to increase the number of them, and increase the depth of some existing ones. As it happens since starting to think that way I've been taken by surprise to discover quite a strong interest in younger women emerging. I can't promise that will happen to anyone else, but it's worth knowing that it might! I've also realised that my interest swings back and forwards so much depending on the company I keep, and where I've been. If I've been at a social event with lots of twenty-somethings, I find myself really refreshed (that's the only way I can describe it) by female company. There's something exciting and 'bubbly' that I realise I want more of. My daydreams at that time are all about sharing a home, sharing a life with a young attractive woman, and there is real sexual desire there. But then when I've been to the local swimming pool and been surrounded by boys in various stages of undress in the changing room, up pops that deeper more 'earthy' sexual desire. My daydreams change to include the ideal cute 14-year old boy. I could talk loads more about the difference in quality of the sexual desire I feel for women and boys - another time maybe... Anyway what have I learnt from realising this swing? At first I thought it meant that I have the option of controlling what I'm most interested in by controlling where I go. But then I realised that sometimes just seeing one boy by chance can have the swing effect, the very same day as the girl thing. So I suppose I'm still not sure whether there's any practical value in what I've learnt! I wonder whether simply the act of committing to a woman for life and living with her would be enough to maintain the interest. My fear is that maybe it wouldn't, and five or ten years into marriage the boy feelings would become too strong again. How do I know now what would happen? Naturally my first thought to answer this (and this relates to something Sally commented on to Splash! a while ago) is that the more intensely 'sexy' the woman is, the better. But I can see Sally's point of view as well, that this isn't realistic as the basis for a lifelong marriage. I suppose we have to admit that simply because we talk about our sexual feelings here more than most married people do, we are liable to place sexual attraction higher up the list of factors for selecting a marriage partner. I have to admit I don't really know how important sexual attraction is for most married couples. Because we struggle with sexuality, we tend to think it's top of the list, but it probably isn't. I'm there with you Ben, and long to know more answers for all of us. You're a brave man, and thank you for sharing with us. With Christian love, Jules |
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