rage
Submitted by seamus on 2002-06-11 16:11:30, Tuesday
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i know you made me god, made me the way that i am... but right now i hate the way that i am i know i am justified in your eyes and purified by the Blood... but right now i just want to die i know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance... but right now i can walk no further alone i know that it is all in your plan and will work for my good... but right now i am too weary to fight i know that you will take me to Your arms when the time comes... but right now i hope and pray for that time to be today, this afternoon, this minute... i know that the tears that flow from my eyes as i write this hurt You just as much as the nails in Your son's flesh hurt you 2000 years ago... but right now all i can do is to sit here and cry i know not why i have been cursed to be a so called boylover... but right now i can no more call myself a lover than i can call myself not a sinner i know not what i should do, how i should live, how i should love... but right now i cry for Your touch i know not where this rage comes from, bursting from deep inside until i no longer can contain it... but right now all i can do is sit here lonely and ashamed i know not whether i am all fucked up or just like everyone else... but right now i do not care i know that i should seek your glory in all things, and never stop singing your praise...even as did Paul while being beaten and imprisoned... but right now i have not the strength i know not why you have set my feet upon this path i now tread... but right now all i can do is hope that you are where it ends i know not why i have been cursed with a love that can never be fulfilled... but right now there is no love in my heart i know that all the fulfillment i need i can find in you... but right now you are nowhere to be found i know not why you choose to leave me in my pain but right now i do not care i know that i love you so much but right now my flesh is so weak i know i need to die to satan, so that i can live for YOU... but right now all that i wish is to die i know that the struggles of this earth will pale in your heavenly glory... but right now i am losing the fight i know not why i hate myself so blindingly... but right now i do |
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