18 years ago
Submitted by Ray on February 03 1999 at 10:31:21
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F.O.D., I thought I'd move this to the top of the board. Part of my hesitation in posting this over the last several days is the controversial nature of the content, which isn't apparent until the anecdotal part near the end of the post. I ended the last post (see link below) with me about to leave the group hom where I had been working and having gotten approval for lb#2 ("little brother" from Big Brother program, not to be confused with "loved boy") to spend some time with lb#1 and me. (I was a volunteer at the group home from January to May and paid staff from June to August.) My pictures from that time indicate some of the hectic life of the period, including travels of up to 200 miles (which is nothing for many of you today). The sequence below covers just under 3 years, except for the last reference, which makes it almost 4 calendar years. Jan: Residents and staff at a nearby national park Mar 8: Residents at the home Mar 9: Individualized catechetic instruction at a local congregation Mar: Residents and staff at the home Mar 23: lb#1 and 2 neighbors playing in neighbor's yard Apr: Residents at the home, the cook and I at the kitchen table crocheting May 16: Big Brother banquet Jun 15: One of the residents visited my family on a day trip Jun 20: New residents around the home Jul 5: One resident (about 14yo) and I went to a nearby national park for most of a day and later in the day a friend from the community came by to visit. Aug 3: day trip to family reunion, took one resident along though he's not in any pictures Aug 15: weekend trip with lb#1 & lb#2 to visit friend from seminary who was chaplain at a state park more than 100 miles away Aug 16: visited home of a camper from church camp 2 summers before, picture in band uniform Sep 2: camping trip to a 2nd national park with friend from seminary Dec 24: YF#4 (a former resident of the group home) and friend at my apartment Dec 25: Christmas at my parents with brothers and their families, including 3 neices and nephew with monkey, mouse and dog I knitted/crocheted for them Jan 20: 2 daughters of an innercity church pastor with whom I stayed for the month (the seminary's January term) Jan 31: wedding at the church of a Latino couple Feb 2: Youth group and intern pastor on side walk before going bowling -- including Peter, who said I should tell my mother that my friend, Peter, wants me to stay an extra day so I can go bowling with him, and then proceded to ride with another woman who had a fancier car :-) Mar 6: lb#2 in my room at the seminary Mar 7: lb#2 & YF#4 at my parents' home Mar 28: lb#3 and I on playground at the seminary Apr 11: lb#2 sitting in a seminary dorm lounge chair with Easter piglet, bunny and chick I crocheted on top of a straw hat May 3: YF#4 in my seminary dorm room (1 picture with girlfriend) May 17: YF#4 and I visiting the church where I was to do the internship Jul 14: lb#2 visited me at internship Jul 18: YF#4 "The Singing Chef" w/ chicken in roasting pan in kitchen of my internship apartment Aug 17: youth member of internship church at state park with me Aug **: lb#2's mother's wedding reception Sep 7: new barn on my brother's farm Oct 2: visit to lb#1 & his mother (with my 14" birthday cookie -- since I probably wouldn't be around during my birthday) Nov 8: YF#4 with birthday cake he baked for me at neighbor's house Nov 10: YF#4 making crusts for ground beef and cabbage piroshki in the kitchen of my apartment Nov 28: YF#4 in my apartment working on needlepoint change purse for his mother Mar 28: youth group prepare to host district youth gathering Apr 10: youth group hide eggs in basement of church for egg hunt for children of the church Apr 25: chatechetical class weekend in Washington D.C. May 4: YF#4 in kitchen of my apartment with a watermelon sund ae May 7: vist with lb#2 at state park near his home May 9: vist with lb#2 with sister in his back yard May 10: YF#4 in canoe at a different state park May 11: home on the farm for nephew's 8th birthday May 22: wedding of classmates from seminary later May 22: Toga party leaders at district youth retreat May 29: 1/2 doz members of congregation move furniture out of intership apt May 30: I'm dressed for church at neighbor's house (where I stayed until the end of internship) May 30: bacaulareate at local high school, 7 youth from church May 31: Memorial day parade and several youth from the church afterwards Jun 2: One of youth from internship helping unload my stuff at my parent's house Jun 3: Visited camper from church camp four years ago, pictures in his room first with tuxedo for girlfriend's graduation prom and after changing from tuxedo Jun 5: Nephew's wedding back home Jul 9 to Aug 6: Pictures of scouts and staff at scout camp where I was chaplain, most of them by the lake with end of week water activities Aug 10: vacation with lb#1 & lb#2 camping at a national park Aug 14: visited members of internship church Aug 17: daytrip with two brothers (one was in youth group on internship) to the mountains with high bridge, tunnel, and water falls Aug 27: home on the farm -- time to ship off the turkeys Oct 30: halloween party for youth at home congregation (neices and nephew were there) Dec 5: YF#4 & lb#2 at recreation area near YF#4's current home Dec 25: Christmas with family at parents' Dec 30: YF#4 & I visit neighbor from internship for new year Jan 1: YF#4 & I go to high bridge Jan 18: first picture of YF#5, a resident of a youth facility with whom I was paired for one-on-one "work" Jan 29: lb#2 in my room at the seminary Mar 20: lb#2 and sister climbing rocks at a national park Apr 3: Easter with family, visit of pastor and egg hunt for kids Apr 10: lb#1 wearing sweater I knitted for his birthday May 17: YF#5 & I at a national park May 20: Graduation from seminary, my invited guests for meal after commencement : my mother and one brother, lb#1 & his mother, lb#2 (who was annoyed because his parents went to play pool at the dorm as soon as commencement was over then left), YF#5, and the neighbor from internship -- reminder me of the crew gathered for the Last Supper Jun 8: Chaplains at Boy Scouts' National Camping School -- I completed dual certification: chaplain and program director Jun 12: Family reunion Jul 16 to Aug 5: scouts at camp where I was chaplain (pictures include a counselor in training who one weekend invited me to stay overnight with him and his mother) Aug 17: day trip to zoo with lb#1 & lb#2 Aug: semi permanent move back home with family Nov 4: wedding of friends at seminary to which lb#2 and I were invited Oct 22 a year later: YF#4's 21st birthday in my new apartment ------------------ I still haven't gotten to what I consider the most important part of this post and I'm running out of time. So, I hope I can shift gears quickly from a chronological to anecdotal account and determine quickly what is and what isn't worth mentioning without procrastinating because of fears of unknowns. When I left the group home, I got an apartment in the area and a job (early Sept.). In fact I had several job offers, and after 3 days as a short-order cook, I started working as a custodian of a freshman dorm of a college. There are some advantages and some disadvantages to having to clean seven bathrooms a day, five days a week! For example, otherwise I may never have learned that you can brush your teeth in the shower and use a urinal as a Christmas tree stand! About this time, lb#2 asked to stay over on the weekend on a regular basis, and, with his mother's approval, I said OK. After I left the group home, YF#4 was transf erred to another group home and on his 17th birthday (late Oct.) he was set up in an apartment not too far from where I was staying, and I ran into him downtown. Sometime around Thanksgiving, I came home from my job to discover that my apartment had been broken into, ransacked and items such as stereo and hair dryer stolen. I called the police, and they began an investigation. After about a week YF#4 told me that he and several friends had stolen the items, and after another day or two he decided to go to the police. When he came back, he said he had no place to stay and asked if he could stay with me, and I said OK. I don't remember too much of the followup of the breakin. I know I got a camera back which the police had confiscated, but the film was gone. But I never found out what happened to the pictures that were on the roll. I had visions of a police file with a picture of me stepping out of the shower grabbing a towel with a surprised look on my face, because lb#2 was feeling mischievious sometime earlier, pulled open the door with camera in hand and snapped! It was one of those periods in life when the timing of events was not the best! YF#4 and I often talked about stuff. One night, though, after about several weeks, we fell asleep together on the couch after talking. I woke up a while later and he had an erection. I opened his pants and manipulated his erection, then closed them up again, and he gave no indication that he was aware anything had happened. I was planning on moving out of that apartment at the end of the year and returning to seminary, so he would have to find another place to live. He asked me to take him to his dad's house to see if his dad would let him move in there (I had taken him to visit there at least once or more before). I waited in the car while he talked with his dad. He came out and said his dad told him it was OK and that he would drive with his dad and meet me at my apartment to get his stuff that day. When he and his dad got to my apartment, it was obvious they both had been drinking (his step-mother drove). Once inside the apartment, YF#4 started to gather his things, but his dad attacked me. It took me a bit to figure out that YF#4 had been awake that night on the couch and told his dad what happened. His dad continued to punch me and come after me. YF#4 and his step-mother left and I was alone with his dad for what seemed like forever! Because of the circumstances, I didn't want to go outside and attract a lot of attention or the police. And since his dad was about my height and age, but heavier and drunk, I was able for the most part to evade his punches and eventually he just seemed to run out of steam. About that time YF#4 and his step-mom came back with a friend of his and we settled into deciding what to do now, after YF#4 threw up! At most I had a bruise at one eyebrow, but my apartment was wrecked. YF#4 stayed with me and his parents went home. YF#4 didn't expect his dad to act like that, he just wanted him to let him move in! Next time I saw lb#2, I told him and his mother that YF#4's dad attacked me. I told his mother as much as possible of the what with as little as possible of the why, but told lb#2 everything because I thought he should know from me since we had been sleeping in the same bed about every week. I may not have said anything to lb#1 and his mother, though I saw them every week as well. During that time I had arranged to return to seminary, starting with a January term field experience with an inner city congregation. When I moved out of the apartment, I dropped YF#4 off out from of his dad's house. I must end here and get to work! Ray |