Boylove
Submitted by Heather on May 08 1999 at 14:03:40
In reply to Jesus (Hey'zeus) Submitted by meNjesus on May 07 1999 at 16:59:29
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Dear meNjesus, I've spent a long night trying to think how to respond to your post – the lengthy delay was due to the fact that I've had a strong disinclination, since arriving at the boylove boards, toward commenting on individual relationships. While I've felt safe enough making general statements about how I thought relationships would work, I've believed that it would be very dangerous indeed for me to comment on the quality of a relationship that I wasn't on the spot to witness. There are simply too many factors in relationships for me to be able to judge one over the Internet. The only time I've ever broken this rule was when a boylover was posting about his young friend's attempts to show that he wasn't interested in a sexual relationship – and in that case, my post was surrounded by many other posts from boylovers, saying the same thing. We all agreed that, as the Free Spirits page says, "There is an ethical consensus among the BoyChat community . . . that all forms of non-voluntary sexual contact are to be condemned." Which brings me to your post. It's awfully hard for me to interpret part of your post, because you don't really describe what your feelings were about your sexual experiences at camp. Perhaps I'm misreading your post, then, and you regret what happened. I do feel compelled to point out, though, that what happened at camp was not boylove – it went against the very essence of boylove. It was one of the types of non-voluntary sexual contact that all boylovers condemn. You gave the boys no choice whether to have sexual contact with you. Even if they had wanted to have contact with you, that makes no difference. If my husband had sex with me while I was sleeping (assuming that we didn't have a standing arrangement on this matter), I would be very shaken by the experience. If someone I wasn't in a relationship with – even if it someone I was capable of falling in love with – masturbated me while I was sleeping, I would be severely traumatized. I know that females are supposed to react more strongly in such matters than males do, but I can't imagine that any child would react well to having his sexual choice taken away from him. I simply pray that the boys were indeed asleep, as you thought, and not faking sleep because they were too scared to show you they were awake. I hope that I'm telling you what you already know, and that you've been able to separate what you did to those boys from the loving relationship you now have with your young friend Jesus. I'm definitely not one of those wallow-in-the-gloom-of-one's-sins types, but I do think that it's necessary to face up to what one has done in the past in order to reform one's soul – heaven knows that I've had to do that often enough! So if you haven't done so already, perhaps you could spend some time envisioning what happened from the perspective of the boys, in order to see the matter in another light. Heather |