Reshaping the issue
Submitted by Heather on August 12 1999 at 22:10:48
In reply to I have a problem and need advise Submitted by Chris on August 12 1999 at 21:36:48
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I'd treat this, not as a sex problem, but as a family privacy problem. Miss Manners (my secular Bible) has this to say on the subject: * * * Then there is the trickier matter of privacy on the outside concerning what family members legitimately observe at home. Children are more likely to understand that, as their temptation is as great to regale their friends with funny stories about Mommy and Daddy as ever the parents' is to speak of them. A fair deal would be something like this: "I will check with you on what cute stories I tell about your little mishaps and sayings, and throw out the ones that most offend you, provided that you clear things with me before reporting them in Show and Tell or to my friends' children." Evidence of bad behavior is always a family secret, which even the victims of it are enjoined from reporting for the amusement or sympathy of their friends. Extreme emotions, including falling in love and weeping fits, are property of the person to whom they happen, not news to be disseminated without permission. * * * I think that, as an uncle, you have a legitimate right to express your alarm at this extreme breach of family privacy and to voice your concern that such breaches might lead to further revelations of family secrets. All that you need to do is ensure that F understands that the secrets that are in danger of being told in the future are her own. Heather |