How do we know?
Submitted by Nash on August 25 1999 at 23:33:29
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How do we know what made us a boylover? Did God put that title on me when i was born or not? If he did i did not realize it until i was 10. But i just found out i was only 5 when i first encountered it. I got a call from my mom tonight, we talked about usual stuff and i told her i have no friends here, which i do not, i only know people of witch i work with, i only see them at work.My mom then said she wish i knew William now. I said William? William who? Apparently when i was 5 years old i met a boy at the local swimming pool that i liked so much that i wanted to change my name to William. Is that boylove or what? I never remenbered that before until my mom said that, after she said it, it was like a door opened up, a flashback. I remembered now after all these years! I do remember now wanting to change my name to his. I do not remember what he looked like then but i did have this feeling of love and attraction for him that i can feel now. A feeling i have lost for so long until now. This just amazes me! A door to my youth was opened just by his name. In my years i have known people by that name, but when my mother said it, all those feelings camee rushing in. My point is this, did God make me a boylover knowing in time i would be one and knowing in time i would know Jesus? All at different ages in my life.Did God make me a boylover so i will be attracted to young boys in order for me to spread his glorious name to our youth? Or am i a boylover because of satan? Or am i boylover because of myself? Did satan give me this attraction to ruin our youth? Or am i attracted to boys for myself? For the lust and fantasies i feel for them? Which one of these made me a boylover? If it is because of myself then i know it is from satan. I want to think it is because of God. Yes i am attracted to boys and i think of them in a sexual way, but i know for a fact that i will not have sex with a boy for the same reasons Chris noted. I do want to be a mentor, a friend, etc. a person a boy can trust and love. Any comments will be appreciated. It feels good to post here finally. I love you all! May Our God bless each and every one of you. Peace. Love, Nash |