i am a little confused...
Submitted by Scott on September 30 1999 at 22:28:54
In reply to As I said... Submitted by Triple Q on September 30 1999 at 20:04:16
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BTW, the title above was merely humorous, please dont take it as in insult. ya recognize where it comes from? heeeheee. I really do appreciate your thoughts. i must apologize. i seem to be having some difficulty putting exactly what my thoughts are into words... sometimes these kinds of things dont translate too well to words. as it is, i am rewrting this post several times to get my true thoughts into it. i do love these boys. i do the best i can to love them in a christ-like way. i generally succeed. you spoke of unconditional love. if my love is tainted with lust, what of it? i do not act upon it, (my lust, that is, i do not condemn loving contact, but now is not the time for arguing THAT) and it does not intrude upon our relationship. the love that the boys see and know IS unconditional. i am not at all concerned with people noticing, etc. etc. it is not a problem of a public nature, it is deep within me. what i am concerned with is how it is killing me inside. nothing else matters right now. i need to reconcile my evil desires with the love i have for these boys. and more importantly, i need to find a way to stay true to My Father, and the things He has set out for me to do. i search for a way to separate the sin inside, so i can live purely and freely. all i want is to love my boys... like i should love them, and have them love me back... and to not have this battle raging inside... someday, i will be free to love...without the confines of my earthly body...to love from the spirit...to love like my God. Scott |