Re: Answer for thebegining
Submitted by zip on February 02 2000 at 16:07:21
In reply to Answer for thebegining Submitted by Chris on February 02 2000 at 10:57:54
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Hello thebeginning, I understand your weariness about this site. I have only been visiting here for a week or so now. What I've seen is that there are a lot of people with different views here. The only thing most posters have incommon is that they are: christians and they struggle with their feelings towards boys. I mention them in that order, because what defines me most is that I'm a christian. I don't want to be a boylover. I don't want to feel sexually attracted towards boys. But I am. I noticed it at first when I was about 10 years old. I thought I was homosexual, but as I grew older the age of those who 'interested' me stayed the same. I knew I was pedosexual. It's an ugly word, that's why I preffer boylover. There where nights that I cried myself to sleep. I've prayed time after time again that God would make me 'normal', but I'm still the same. Know I ask God to help me to withstand temptation. In the same was as a heterosexual man has to be carefull not to lust after a woman, I have to be carefull I do not lust after boys. When I notice that I feel an attraction to a boy, I have to control my thoughts and be disciplined. What makes things so hard, is that these feelings can never be shared with anyone in I know in real life. Do you think you would be able to tell anyone if you were a boylover? I have remembered all the remarks of people who have said that they all should be castrated, locked upped or executed. That's why I come here. I know that people will understand my problems, because they go through the same every day. The know what it's like and can give me advice, encourage me when things are ruff and pray for me. Hidden sin is so much harder to conquer. People notice when an ex-acaholic goes back to the booze, but noone notices when I go back looking for pictures of boys. There is no social pressure... Another problem is that over the years I lying has become so easy. Lying to hide your thoughts and tracks ... it happens without noticing it. I don't want to lie anymore, but It'll take time... Some people here are convinced that God wants us to use friendschip with boys to help them. I think that a lot of people in my situation are good with kids (both boys and girls), because they can easily relate to other peoples feelings. A lot of grown-ups are totally analphabetical when it comes to children. But I don't think it is always wise to become too closely envolved with children, unless you are absolutely sure that you are capable of helping children (not yourself) in a healthy way. I have linked to a my first post here a week or so ago, ... I hope to hear more from you thebeginning... God bless, zip (a college student) PS: My native tongue isn't english, so sorry for any spelling mistakes! |