Answer for thebegining
Submitted by Chris on February 02 2000 at 10:57:54
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Hi thebegining, I was unsure how to answer your question, as I am unsure as to your beliefs about boylove in general. However, I will try to do my best to give you an honest answer. I am a boylover. I love all kinds of people, but for some reaon that I am sure only God knows why, I feel a much stronger attraction to boys. And yes, this does include sexual attraction as well. I have no idea why I am like this, nor do I know of any real way to make myself different. I have tried, believe me, and I have come to the conclusion that man and science do not have the ways nor means to change my sexuality. I know that God is very capable of doing so, and it is in my prayers and wishes that He would, but He has not chosen to do so, so far, either. So it looks like I must live with this in my life, for now...or perhaps until I die. Growing up like this was not much fun, either. When I was a young teenager and my friends were beginning to discover the opposite sex, it became quite apparent to me how diferent I was. I was not interested in girls like they were, only boys. And as I grew older, my interests stayed with younger boys, so I knew I was not truly gay, either.....as I did not feel an attraction to men. I am still this way, as an adult in my latter 30's. I still feel a strong sexual attraction to young boys instead of women or men. And yet, I not only feel sexually attracted to boys, but I love them in my heart as well. Like I said, I love all kinds of people, but boys have a special place in my heart, very probably the same way a woman would have a special place in your heart. I also became a born-again Christian in my early teens. When I accepted Jesus into my heart and life, I knew how different I was from my peers, and from what I believed God wanted me to be, but I just knew that He still loved me, and that His salvation was/is meant for me as much as it is for anyone else. But this still created a big conflict within me, and being a confused young teenager, instead of turning to God with this problem right away, I turned to drugs and alcohol. I quickly became alcoholic, and continued drinking heavily for many years. I graduated to drinking about a fifth of vodca a day, and kept this up for about 15 years or so. Today I believe it was God, and only God, who kept me alive durring the last few years of my drinking. I was a total wreck....bad health, no money and no credit, a bad job (which I was lucky to have, actually),and a very nasty three room apartment to live in (with all my acumulated garbage....that place stank, literaly!). I was in such bad shape, that I almost decided to kill myself. But then, a friend of mine introduced me to A.A., and I got sober through this program. God did for me, through A.A., and my faith in Him, that which I could not do for myself. But this still did not solve the problem of my sexuality. Today, I have had to face some hard facts about myself and my life. I am through trying to change my sexuality by the "scientific" means that man has available today. It does not work. It is only frustrating and degrading. God can change me, but so far He has chosen not to. I am very certain of my Lord's ability to do so because He has totally taken the alcohol out of my life. But this part of me He choses to leave the way it is. So now you ask if I believe it is sinful for me to be this way. I must answer in truth, no, I don't think so. I do not act upon my sexual desires twords boys at all. I do not have sex with boys, in any way, shape, or form. I believe that if there is a sin in my being this way, it would lie within my actions, not my desires. And since I choose not to act upon my desires for sex, I am in no danger of commiting a sin. Actually, to tell you the truth, I have been able to "use" the strong attraction I have for boys (and thier very strong attraction to me) as a great way to lead them to the Lord. I have personally led a few boys to Christ this way. The boys do not know of my sexual attraction to them (as I do not feel it nessisary to tell them), but they do know that I love them, and through me, that God loves them....very much! I hope this answers your question. I welcome you to feel free to ask me anything you like. God Bless! Your's in Christ's Love, Chris |