Fears in seeking support

In recent weeks, I've been talking with boylovers about how they sought support from others, and through them I've learned a great deal about the benefits and drawbacks of seeking support for one's journey as a boylover. One important lesson I've learned is that seeking support is not only necessary but in some cases a duty – that it can be a sin to cut oneself off from others by carrying a secret. Some of the boylovers I've spoken to have talked of seeking support from a spiritual adviser; some have spoken of seeking support from fellow boylovers; some have spoken of seeking support from a group of nonboylovers. But all agreed that seeking support from God alone was not enough – that one needed to be connected with a wider fellowship. This message, once I began to meditate on it today, hit home in a frightening fashion. For the truth is that I myself have been trying, for the past ten years, to struggle with a problem with the help of God alone. During these ten years, I have not sought the help of anyone aside from God, and until recently I was not well enough connected with God even to be capable of receiving his help. Now that I'm starting to realize how hard I've resisted the idea of seeking support from others, I'm beginning to realize, in a way that I did not realize until today, the fears that a boylover might have when deciding whether to seek out support: 1) In his real life, he may believe that he has few or no peers that can offer him advice from the inside. 2) Precisely because his other friends and family may not be struggling with similar problems, he may fear that they cannot understand what he is undergoing. 3) He may not know who to turn to for support; he may not be sure that he's close enough to anyone to ask them to listen to what he's undergoing. 4) He may fear that he will be placing an unnecessary burden on his friends and family, particularly if he knows that they're already carrying heavy burdens of their own. 5) If his problems as a boylover include other people, he may fear that, by telling others of his problems, he will be breaking confidences. 6) He may fear that his motives for seeking support are inherently selfish – that he is seeking support, not in order to live a better life, but in order to require other people to carry his cross. All of the above are fears that have kept me, in my own life, from seeking help from others, and listing these reasons gives me a much deeper understanding of why it is that some boylovers hesitate for so long before seeking support from fellow boylovers or from nonboylovers. All of these reasons are legitimate reasons, I think; they are all real stumbling blocks on the journey for support. Yet as I've listened to boylovers describing how their lives have been transformed by fellowship with others with whom they shared their life journeys, I've realized how important it is not to cut oneself off from the rest of humanity by bearing burdens alone. And I realized today that no one can understand how hard it is for boylovers to share their secret with others unless they too have struggled with the question of whether to open themselves up to others. I would appreciate your prayers as I struggle to overcome my fears in this area; in turn, in the words of the Quaker meeting I attend, I will hold the rest of you in the Light. Heather [E-mail]   [Home Page]